


A Journey on the Wild Side

by thisguyisanotaku



Series: Pre-Hobbit Tales [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambush, Angst, Bromance, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly feels, But Everyone Still Dies, Company of Thorin Oakenshield - Freeform, Corny dwarf names, Fighting, Gen, Guilt Trip, Humour, Introspection, Lion!Fíli, NOT Durincest, Nightmares, Orc Attack, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Quenya chant, Silly Arguing, Smoke messages, Thorin is moody, guardian!Kíli, skinchanger!Fíli, story telling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-01-20 06:19:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 40,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1499864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisguyisanotaku/pseuds/thisguyisanotaku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From a very young age, Fíli has been cursed to co-exist as a skin changer. However, he cannot tell anyone of this curse or else he will permanently become his animal form. His mother is the only person who knows of this since she witnessed his cursing. Now Fíli is forced to change forms at least once a day, or else the darkness of night will reveal his other half. But what happens when the dwarves embark on their quest to reclaim Erebor? How will Fíli hide his animal form from the others and not be discovered. And how can he protect those closest to him, those whom he loves the most from the unpredictability of himself as a lion?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tales of Olde

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, this is my very first fanfiction but not my first prompt, so I hope it doesn't suck and I hope to be writing more. Secondly, I'm in university at the moment and so I have very little time to write, so I really don't know how often I will actually be posting on this, but nevertheless I will not forget about it. Also, the rating may change depending on where this leads. (And a small FYI, this is not Durincest (unless you squint really, really hard - but it is not intended that way), so don't get any ideas! As far as I know, if a relationship has an '&' and not a '/' then it is family or friendship, so that is what I mean by that ^_^)

“ _Maradi_ ”

“He is dying”

“ _Maradidi_ ”

“She is dying”

“ _Maradizd_ ”

“They are dying”

“ _Maradizu_ ”

“You are dying”

“Well done. Now I want you to translate what I am saying into Khuzdul.” Both Kíli and Fíli nodded their heads absentmindedly, not really caring for their language test.

“Okay Kíli: You will try to do better” Bofur asked.

“Uhh … _Khelechizu …_ uuum … _omhîl ughlekhe_?”

“Good job. Now Fíli: You will succeed if you make peace”

“ _Aryâdizu nê khalizu_ ” yawned Fíli indifferently. He even went so far as to lean back against his chair, hands linked together behind his head and chin pointed upwards. Bofur decided he would play along with Fíli and make a fool of him.

“Well, master Fíli, if this is so easy for you, then try to translate this: _galibazu ni katazeselazu uktabmâ_ ” Bofur smirks.

“Uuuuh” Fíli slurs, sitting upright. It takes Fíli a good second before he even registers that Bofur has challenged him, and not much longer to realise that he actually doesn’t know what he said. Trying to not look as befuddled as he felt, Fíli lent back in his chair again, hand scraping under his chin as he looked towards the roof in what he hoped appeared to be a thoughtful glance that had a hint of mockery, although he felt more like it portrayed his absolute lack of comprehension. ‘ _You are something but you … something our … something?_ ’ Fíli thinks over the question again. He can almost feel Kíli’s mocking smirk beside him, and he’s sure that Kíli knows what the answer is too, but he doesn’t glance at him in order to save his dignity – well, whatever he won’t lose after Bofur slams him.

“Any idea, Prince Fíli?” Bofur teases after Fíli stalls for longer than necessary to work out the answer. Fíli continues his previous attempts at seeming to contemplate the answer, but he is still just as stuck.

“He said ‘You are of great origin, but you forsake our greatest knowledge’” Kíli snickers, obviously amused with Fíli’s charade. Fíli glares towards a laughing Kíli before what Bofur had said finally sinks in. Even though Fíli knows it’s true, he still glares back at Bofur for daring to say such a thing to the heir of Erebor in such a straightforward and yet derisive manner. It makes Fíli flush in embarrassment as well as anger – whether anger at himself or his lost pride he is unable to tell.

“Well, is it not true, master Fíli?” Bofur is enjoying this a little too much for Fíli’s liking.

“ _Arnâka tada aktûbazu mabakh yomul Fíli Dísul_ ” Fíli snarked.

“You believe that I know nothing about you, eh? Well laddie, from what you just said, I know more about you than you think! But that put aside, you have both passed your test, and by your Uncle’s orders, you both may be dismissed for the day. Be sure to keep up your practice…” Bofur throws a quick side-glance at Fíli with a more serious undertone than before; “…and I will see you here next week to help you study for your final exams. Good day”

Fíli and Kíli both jump up from their desks and leave as swiftly but gracefully (more so on Fíli’s part) as they can. Bofur shakes his head at the two. He will have to report to Thorin (again) about Fíli’s behaviour, although he suspects that Kíli has a great deal to do with it too. There is also something else about Fíli though, something that seems a little wild to Bofur, something which is not normal of a dwarf and especially of the line of Durin. Bofur shrugs his shoulders, dropping his concern and picking up his books before he too heads out and towards the main library halls.

 

“I commend your royal capabilities, _Prince Fíli_ ” Kíli teases.

“ _Durinu-me turg_ Kíli, you really are a piece of work!” Fíli snorts back. He bumps his shoulder into Kíli’s, a light-hearted attempt to throw off his balance, but he knows it will take a lot more than that to waver his strong brother.

“You know, uncle will not be happy when he hears about this” Kíli replies, speeding up his walking a little to keep in time with Fíli. They both turn a corner and head down a side street before they reach the market square.

“You inform me of nothing that I do not know, brother”. They both approach a shopfront and enter before looking at some of the forging tools that line the dusty shelves. They dig through hammers, some very intricately designed chisels and what appears to be the horn of an anvil, most likely retired from service but still in good enough shape for light work.

“Still, I feel your arrogance is a little unnatural. I mean, I know you have always been this way, but – I dunno, it does not seem befitting of your personality” Kíli’s head was still facing down, hands shifting between the various items. Kíli’s observation caught Fíli by surprise, and he tilted his head leftward to face Kíli fully. Feeling his gaze, Kíli lifted his head to face his brother, a distant look on his features.

“Whatever are you talking about, Kí?” Fíli questions, confusion, concern and something akin to anxiousness bubbling in his gut. Kíli’s gaze softens when he realises that he vocalised his thoughts and he pulls himself from his state of contemplation.

“Uh, nothing. Just rambling. Sooo… what do you think?” Kíli changes the subject whilst he grabs a hardy he had been eyeing. “Do you think it will fit my anvil?”

Fíli is still concerned by Kíli’s words, but he tries his best to squash it down and follow Kíli’s subject change. He could talk to Kíli later. “Let me have a look” Fíli states whilst reaching out to grab it from Kíli’s outstretched hand. When Fíli grabs the tool from Kíli’s hand, he looks it over, trying to look as if he is sizing it up, but he is too distracted to think properly about much of anything. Kíli doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does, he lets it go. “I would think so, but do have it measured properly. I hear places around here seldom return purchases should someone buy the wrong item”

Kíli seems to ponder this for a moment. “Aaah, I will just come back later. Now come – I want to know what is troubling my brother” Kíli flings his arms around Fíli’s shoulder as he leads both of them out of the shop.

“Nothing, _ghivashua nadad_ ” Fíli reassures Kíli as he slips his arm under Kíli’s and up around his shoulder. They both wander aimlessly down the street for a while, not really taking in much of their surroundings, but still stopping occasionally to look at one of the stalls or shops, arms never leaving each other’s shoulders.

“Really? Is that your answer?” Kíli laughs. “You know, whilst your eyes are mysterious and enchanting, they still betray your effort to hide anything from me. I can tell something is not quite right, but I will not push you for an answer” Kíli added.

Fíli squeezes Kíli’s shoulder before he mumbles a ‘ _zu dolzekhi_ ’ to Kíli. They both continue down the street before Kíli speaks up again.

“We should head home. I am tired and you are feeling melancholy. Perhaps, if you feel up to it, we could read some more of those ‘Tales Of Olde’ with mother? You know how much she loves the great legends of kings and beasts and of great battles” Kíli asks in what he hopes is his least pushy voice but with a hint of his ‘you know you can’t refuse this or face my puppy-dog eyes’ tone.

Fíli chuckles before he gently shakes his brother’s shoulder. “I would like that”. He throws Kíli one quick smile before they head home.

 

“You two are home early today. Anything I should know about?” Dís questions as her two sons walk in the front door. They both unlace their boots before removing their outer coats and hanging them up.

“Do you not remember, mother? We had our _Khuzdul ugùchir_ today, and apparently Uncle has allowed us to have the afternoon off” Kíli replies, sensing the concerned hint in their mother’s voice that can only mean she suspects the two of them are up to no good.

“Is that so?” Dís questioned. “Well, whilst your Uncle may have no need of your service, I could certainly do with some work around here. What do you say that you boys fix the fence around the corner, the one that was trampled by that wagon not three weeks ago, and maybe run down to the _Manarbul_? I need some lentils for your cousins who are expecting soon.”

“Can we still read later this evening though?” asked Kíli, sincerely hoping to just sit in front of the fire with a mug of ale, some tall tales and good company.

“Well, that will depend on how quickly you decide to do your chores. Now hurry along! You do not have all day” Dís swatted her sons back out the door before proceeding to organise all the utensils and ingredients needed to make her stew.

Fíli had convinced Kíli to let him fix the fence whilst Kíli ran back into town. Despite his stubbornness, Kíli eventually gave up and walked back down the road the two had just come along and turned around the corner before Fíli lightly chuckled and went about fixing the fence.

 

As it was, it took both the dwarves nearly three hours before they had any free time again from their chores, and by now it was well into the afternoon. Any chance they had of doing something before dinner seemed to be small, but as always, their mother had something up her sleeve for the two to do. Today, it was sorting all the books that they had in their home. Ever since Fíli and Kíli were both ten, they had loved to read. They wanted nothing more than to hear about the legends of their ancestors, to hear of tall tales forged into legends, the tales of other lands, other places and peoples and of other times. But what they loved most were the tales told by their father when they were wee dwarflings. These stories were considered myths in their current day and age, but no one actually knew whether they were true or not, which had made them all the more exciting for Fíli and Kíli.

As a consequence for their love of books and their young and careless behaviour, more often than not the books had been haphazardly put away, if they were even moved at all, and since their mother was a neat freak, she loved to have all the books arranged in her shelves, neat and dust free. The two couldn’t really complain – they had, after all, been the ones to mess up the books, but it did not stop them from whining when asked to dust and sort them.

After what seemed like an eternity for the dwarves, they had finished their chores and the sun was well on its way to setting now. Kíli and Fíli had long stopped complaining, and now that their stomachs were grumbling like fighting bears, they were both happy that dinner was almost ready. Sadly, the amazing smelling soup was not for them, but they happily sat down and ate the doe that Fíli had caught not two days past.

Finishing their meals off silently, the two boys both cleaned the kitchen for their surprised mother before they all retreated to the hearth. By now, Kíli was desperate to read some stories and he was squirming uncomfortably in his spot whilst Dís went to fetch the book. Thanks to the two, it didn’t take her long to find it, and by the time she returned, Kíli looked the image of a desperate school student wanting nothing more than to go to the toilet.

“Calm down Kíli! You have waited all afternoon, five more minutes will not kill you” Dís laughed as she took her seat in the old armchair next to the fire. Kíli sat on the floor opposite the hearth whilst Fíli lay sprawled out on the furs on the floorboards, head resting in his hands. “So boys, what did you want to read tonight?” Dís asked, knowing well that they had all read every story at least five times and that the two could probably recite them in Westron, Khuzdul and Sindarin (not that she would like to hear any of those words spoken in her house).

“Uuuh, can we read the one about the halls of Moria?” Kíli asked, not entirely sure what he wanted now that he had it.

“And which one would that be?” Fíli questioned him.

“The one about the Battle of the Balrog” Kíli said suddenly and very enthusiastically, his head shooting up and his eyes with a twinkle of excitement in them.

“Sure Kíli” Dís laughed. She shuffled through the book for a few seconds before she came upon the story she was looking for. She cleared her throat before beginning the story. “Back in the days of the Valar, before the creation of Eä, Melkor sought to twist all that was good. The Valaraukar, scourges of fire, where angelic beings whose melodic tunes were bright and lively…”

_Though having good intentions, the Valaraukar were deceived by the evil of Melkor, and their hearts turned dark and sour. Their music changed. They became dark and melancholy, dissonant tunes sprouting forth from their mouths. Then, during the creation of Arda, now known as Middle-Earth, Melkor and his servants all chose to leave Valinor, taking on physical form and being bound to time. Melkor twisted all that was good, turning sharp what was once flat and making dark what was once light. The hills and valleys that he forged became tall & ominous and dark & deep. His evil spread throughout the lands and his will only turned sourer. Then, as the Elves came to light, the Valar sought to end Melkor’s reign on Arda. They banished him from the earth and all his servants, but as it would be, they had missed some of the darkest and foulest parts of Eä, where foes of great power lay dormant. Many years passed, and the first age of the earth had ended. Moria had been forged by the mighty race of Dwarves, and they became a powerful people, mining the earth’s riches and forging great weapons and armour, beautiful jewellery and fine trinkets. Ever they delved deeper into the mines, finding stones and gems of increasing beauty and magnificence. Emerald, ruby, diamond, gold and mithril were amoung the few that the dwarves loved the most._

_However, they delved too deep, down further than the Valar had searched, down to the darkest and foulest depths of Arda, and there in the darkness and shadows, they awakened a beast breathed in flame. ‘Durin’s Bane’ they named it, for it was the greatest calamity yet to have bestowed itself upon Durin and his line. E’er they drove it back down to its pitiful den, where the shadows spoke of melancholy tales and the darkness sang in dissonant chords. But they had yet to feel its full power and wrath, for the Balrog had festered in its hatred and malice for an age, and it now sought vengeance on the dwarves._

_On a day of particular grimness, the ground began to rumble and the halls of Moria were lit in a diseased light. Many ran away in fear whilst others stayed to fight. And then, alas, the Balrog, in its full rage, waged war on the dwarves of Moria. E’er it fought, wreaking havoc on the great halls and mines. When the dwarves had lost almost all hope, they lured the demon towards the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm, the only bridge across the deepest pit known in Moria. Here they battled it with sword and axe and spear and arrow, but it could not be killed. In a final attempt to rid them of the foul beast, one dwarf took his life to ensure the death of the beast and the safety of his people. Muzminh, saviour of the dwarves, took on the Balrog, and dragged it down with him into the darkest depths of Moria._

_After this event, the sick light and voiceless darkness receded, and joy and celebration for Muzminh sounded throughout the great halls of stone, for on that day the Balrog had been defeated and the safety of the dwarves had been ensured. But…._

_But there was still speculation between many as to whether the caverns of those depths were deep enough to have killed the Balrog. However, there had never been any sign of the beast for the rest of that age until now, where Moria still thrives under Fundin’s reign._

 

“The end”, Dís finished. She looked upon her two sons, both with prideful and gleaming looks in their eyes. They looked every bit the proud dwarves of the tales, and pride was suddenly surging through her at the sight of her sons. She smiled fondly upon them before continuing. “So, what is it next then, Fíli?”

“Uuuuuh” Fíli slurred. “I do not know. How about you let Kíli choose, and I will pick the next one” Fíli suggested before looking over at Kíli to see if he agreed. As expected, Fíli’s gaze was met by Kíli’s excited one, and Kíli nodded frantically before turning back to their mother.

“Can we read the story about the accursed beings?” Kíli asked before Fíli gulped and shifted uncomfortably in his spot. Of course they had read this story before, but it still made Fíli all the more uncomfortable every time he had to be reminded about it. Dís could sense Fíli’s discomfort, but she gave him a look to tell him she had to read it or Kíli would get suspicious, him ever being the nosy one.

Dís turned her head back to Kíli after Fíli had given his consent and replied. “Sure thing” she said before scanning through the old pages until she found the story she wanted.

“Many beings wander the earth. Many strange beings, whose appearances are all the stranger. They can appear as great animals, or small people. Giant rocks, trees and spirits, or the small insects and flowers. But only a few beings were supreme over all else. These beings took delight in how they appeared and cared for those around them, but as it would be, they were all deceived…”

_The magical beings of the earth, those who could defy the laws that were bound to Arda, had many names. The Istari, the greatest of the wizards, were chosen by the Valar to stop the evil on Eä, but not by their own force. Other wizards and necromancers could be found across Middle Earth, some with great powers and others who knew little of magic or sorcery. However, there was one whose evil sought to twist the beings of Arda into creatures for his will._

_He was nameless, and so was called Kheremighri by the dwarves. Kheremighri sought to twist the greatest of the beings of Middle Earth, the Elves, into beings of the earth and not those of Valinor. He tortured and mutilated them, speaking darkness and evil to them until their hearts turned cold. They turned into what are now called Orcs, creatures of the earth, made from the dirt of the ground and foul in both nature and appearance._

_However, he did not stop there. He wanted to breed armies of strong races who would be unstoppable. He started to mix breeds, creating hybrid races. He took dwarves and turned them into stone giants, but they did not survive the extreme physical changes. He also mixed skin changers with other animals that they weren’t, such as bears with wolves and oliphaunts with eagles. These skin changers easily adapted to their third forms, but were scarce and died off quickly._

_For an age and a half, Kheremighri experimented with different beings before the elves and men of the west joined each other in will to end his reign of terror on the beings of Arda. They took on his armies, battling the orcs and skin changers and RDGs (rock dwarf giants) before they ultimately drove him away. Little did they know, Kheremighri had successfully interbred dwarves with skin changers, and when he hid in the darker parts of the world, he sought to change any dwarves he came by into skin changers._

_No one of this day or age knows of his whereabouts, but his sorcery can still be seen in the world. His hybrid dwarves are nowhere to be seen, and the story of their existence had shifted from truth to legend, and has become accepted as myth by most of middle earth’s races. But some were still not convinced._

_It is still unknown if Kheremighri still lives. His power may be great enough to extend his life, and no one knows which Valar he belongs to, but none have been brave enough to look for him or to end him for good. However, his Orcs still cause death and destruction all across Arda._

“And so he has disappeared from all others, whether by his own enchantments or fear, none can tell.” Dís finished. She saw Kíli with a strange look in his eye, and when she looked upon Fíli, her heart broke at the fear and disgust in his eyes. She knew that it was her fault he felt this. Her misguided thoughts and desires that brought his current pain upon him. But what could she do now? She could not change the past, and she did not know how to fix the present without another’s council, and that would only bring upon her beloved son the worst possible outcome.

Fíli quickly sat up, clearing his throat before excusing himself and escaping the living room to his own quarters. Dís looked to where Fíli fled with a sad but knowing look in her eye whilst Kíli stared at her with a confused look.

“What was that, mother?” Kíli asked, genuinely confused but not concerned. “Is Fíli not feeling well?”

“I would not know, dear Kíli”, she replied quietly.

“But that look … you know what is wrong, do you not?” Kíli sounded a little sad now. “He told you about something and now you will not tell me and he will not either?” Kíli spoke questioningly, but he was really stating it. “He was … he was acting strange today. After I said something, something about him acting a little more wild than normal, more than I think he actually is. I did not mean any offence by it, but he seemed – I do not know, scared, almost?” Kíli dropped his gaze to his lap. “I do not know what it was that I said, but I feel so bad for it now. I feel guilty for something which is blind to me, a-and…” Kíli stopped when he felt his mother’s hand on his shoulder.

“Calm, my boy. Fíli is tired and has not felt in his highest spirits the last couple of days. Trust me when I say that you did nothing wrong, i is just that…” Dís trailed off, looking over her shoulder towards the door where Fíli fled to. “He has a lot to deal with, a lot of stuff that no one can yet know about, and I think it has taken a toll on him in the last couple of days”

If Kíli felt guilty, then the look he gave Dís made her feel so incredibly helpless in the chaos that was Fíli that she had to look away from Kíli to stop herself from saying anything more. “How about you go to bed and sleep on it. Maybe you and Fíli can talk in the morning about it, but I think it is best to just get some rest before you say or do anything that might be impulsive” Dís suggested.

“Okay, mother” Kíli muttered before moving out of his mother’s embrace and stretching his arms high in the air.

“Good night mother” Kíli said before he went towards his bedroom. “ _Zu âzyungi_ ”

“ _Ya’zu âzyungi_ ” Dís replied before walking towards the kitchen to take the soup to her cousin’s place.

 

Kíli walked towards his room, passing Fíli’s door on the way. However, as he walked past his door, Kíli felt something inside of him draw him towards Fíli’s room. He couldn’t place the feeling, but it kept growing stronger and he didn’t have the willpower to resist it. So, he quietly knocked on Fíli’s door before softly calling his name. After he got no response, Kíli slowly opened the door, careful not to scare Fíli should he be trying to sleep.

However, Kíli was greeted by an empty bed and an open window with the curtains slowly waving in the breeze of the night. Kíli slowly stalked towards the open window before peering out, confused and now very concerned as to why Fíli would flee the house. Kíli could not see Fíli anywhere, and being too confused and tired to move any further, he lay down in Fíli’s bed, falling asleep almost immediately.

 

Out in the forest surrounding Ered Luin, quiet footsteps could be heard. The faint panting of a large creature sounded through the quiet forest and the shadow of a great creature moved swiftly through the trees.

Then it sounded – a loud roar…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this didn't really turn out how I expected it too, but I think it will do (since I'm not bothered to change it now). This will start making more sense in the next couple of chapters and hopefully will develop soon. I might be putting in some time skips just to keep the story going without countless filler chapters (which I don't want too many of) but I hope that you nonetheless enjoyed this story and I can't wait to finish it! ^_^
> 
> Khuzdul translations (in case you missed them in the text):
> 
> Maradi - He is dying  
> Maradidi - She is dying  
> Maradidz - They are dying  
> Maradizu - You are dying  
> Khelechizu omhîl ughlekhe - You will try to do better  
> Aryâdizu nê khalizu - You will succeed if you make peace  
> Galibazu ni katazeselazu uktabmâ - You are of great origin but you forsake our greatest knowledge  
> Arnâka tada aktûbazu mabakh yomul Fíli Dísul - I think that you know nothing about Fíli, son of Dís  
> Durinu-me turg - By Durin's beard  
> Ghivashua nadad - (translates roughly to) dear brother; (translates exactly to) treasured brother; (I meant it as the former)  
> Zu dolzekhi - thank you (just an FYI, 'menû dolzekhi' means thank you to more than one person) [I updated this because I had a long hard look at how verbs are structured, and zu dolzekhi translates explicitly to 'you I am thanking' whereas dolzekh zu translates to 'to thank you' - I believe that the former would be more grammatically correct and so I have decided to change it for that reason, but I'm still unsure whether dolzekh zu could be used almost as slang {Updated 22 June 2014}]  
> Khuzdul ugùchir - Dwarvish test (this is again a rough translation - it explicitly translates to 'the Khuzdul teaching')br />  
> Manarbul - marketsquare  
> Muzminh - I made up this dwarf, but his name means 'the beast-man'  
> Kheremighri - once again, I made this up, but it roughly translates to 'not easily named'  
> Zu âzyungi - I love you (or 'you I love' - either way)  
> Ya'zu âzyungi - just means I love you too (ergo, ya' means 'too' [more explicitly 'also'])


	2. Late and Irate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After running late for their hunting lesson, Kíli and Fíli can't come to an agreement...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2!!!! Yaaaaaaaay! And it only took me two weeks!!!!!!  
> University is really busy, so this is taking forever to actually write.  
> And a big thanks to Girlspal, my beta and brainstorm helperer ... she is awesome!
> 
> Also, does anyone know how to hyperlink users or works in this area? I've been wanting to be able to do this and I cannot yet do so. Any help would be appreciated!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy!

The bright morning sun shone through the window, the rays danced upon bed sheets. The curtain blew and danced in the light breeze. The sound of the morning song - sung by the birds of the forest - drifted sweetly through the room. Light breathing echoed off the walls and…

The gentle sound of purring could be heard. Kíli had grown accustomed to the strange sounds that Fíli makes, and the gentle feeling of each and every purr kept Kíli grounded in his dreamy state. Kíli knows that it is not normal (or at least, not completely natural), but Fíli has never been very normal. For as long as Kíli could remember, Fíli could imitate the exact sound of a cat purring, and Kíli always thought it amazing. For he woke up one day in Fíli’s bed after a string of nightmares, feeling much calmer than before and happily dozing with every purr that rumbled gently through Fíli’s chest, the vibrations resonating through his body. Kíli had then known that Fíli was actually purring and not just imitating the sound, although how he did it was still a mystery to him.

Kíli woke suddenly when he realised that he was asleep against Fíli. He didn’t remember going to bed with him. In fact, he doesn’t even remember seeing him after his abrupt departure last night. Kíli realised then that in his fatigued state, he must have fallen asleep in Fíli’s bed after he entered the room. And when Fíli had finally returned, he must’ve squeezed in next to him. Kíli felt bad – he knows he tends to steal most of the bed. But from the sounds Fíli made, he mustn’t have – Fíli would not be that contented had he spent half the night _trying_ to fall asleep.

Before he knew any better, Kíli was again being lulled to sleep by the gentle sounds and warmth of his brother. His breathing shallowed and quietened until only the hushed sound of Fíli’s purrs could be heard in the room, and the two brothers continued to sleep peacefully as the sun rose ever higher in the sky.

 

It was a good two hours before either dwarf awoke. Fíli stirred first, his sudden movements roused Kíli who shifted slightly before sitting up suddenly.

“Uh Fíli, what time is it?” Kíli asked, stretching his arms above his head.

Fíli blinked a few times before he sluggishly shifted off the bed and towards the window. “ _Oh Mahal…_ ” Fíli’s face paled before he looked at Kíli, eyes wide. “It is well past mid-morning”.

Kíli’s face soon mirrored Fíli’s own terror and not two seconds later, both dwarves heard their front door being opened and then slammed shut.

“Fíli! Kíli! Where are you?” they heard Dís shout.

“Should we go down?” Kíli whispered.

“Yes! Do you want to die?” Fíli hissed back.

“Fine, fine…” Kíli responded in kind.

“Boys, get down here now!” Dís’ shout echoed throughout the house. The two shot a questioning glance to one other before they finally accepted their fate and headed out to the living room.

However, they weren’t met with an angry Dís. No, she had concern writ on her face with a hint of understanding.

“S-s-sorry _amad_. We did not mean to sleep in. We…” Kíli stumbled, trying desperately to think of an excuse. “We...” but he had nothing.

“Shh, Kíli, it is fine. You two were very tired and needed the extra sleep. I will explain to Thorin, just… Just do not make a big deal out of it. If he says anything, just…” Dís contemplated what to say, knowing full well how suspicious Thorin could be. She really needed a well-crafted excuse for the boys. “Tell him I let you two sleep in. If he asks why, tell him to come to me”.

“O-okay…” Kíli didn’t really sound convinced – whether that be by the excuse or as to why she was even giving them one he did not know.

“Okay.  _Zu dolzekhi_ _amad_.” Fíli replied coolly before he urged Kíli towards the door and started putting his boots and coat on. “We will see you after our hunting lesson.” Fíli stated and looked over his shoulder to give Dís a warm and appreciative smile.

“No need to thank me, just hurry up! Before Thorin runs in here after you two!” Dís urged, but with a tinge of amusement.

Kíli just stared at Fíli for a second, dumbstruck and now very confused. Fíli was wearing that same understanding look that Dís had worn last night after he had abruptly left, and Kíli was starting to wonder whether his brother and mother were keeping something from him. However, his train of thought was interrupted when Fíli shooed him out the door and into the street.

 

Fíli and Kíli quickly ran into town on their way to see Dwalin to grab something to eat. The frantic rush that was their late rousing had wiped clean all thoughts of morning preparations, and so the two had neglected their stomachs any sustenance. Now they could not be tamed by anything but what they wanted, and that thing was letting off the most delectable aroma that made their stomachs lurch all the more. They both grabbed some pastries and fruits before they headed off towards the training grounds where they expected to be met with an impatient Dwalin and possibly a cranky Thorin.

Well, they were met with a cranky Thorin, but Dwalin seemed happy about the boy’s late arrival, almost pleased. Fíli and Kíli both gulped, knowing full well that the sick, twisted grin that spread across his face when they came into view could only mean one thing, and they knew they would hurt before the day was over.

“Ah boys! How lovely of you two to join us. Your uncle here is not too pleased about your sudden abandonment of all manners and punctuality, and I must say that I am a little taken back by the nerve you have shown.” Dwalin grinned all the while, whilst Thorin went between shooting daggers at the boys as well as Dwalin.

“Fíli, Kíli, I expected better of you than this. Had Dwalin not been your trainer today, maybe I would not have been so sparing in your discipline. But, before I decide what your punishment should be…” Thorin sighed heavily, “What is your side of the story?”

Fíli and Kíli both glanced at each other, the unanswered question of whether they should use their mother’s excuse or not hung between them. However, it was Fíli who turned back around to face Thorin, his shoulders set firm and back straight and tall, attempting to portray authority.

“Kíli and I had a talking-to from mother yesterday about our lack of determination in our studies. So we decided that we ought to undertake our study properly. We did not realise the time, so when we had finished, the moon was well past the middle of the sky. We both went to bed immediately, and we must have slept through the morning sunlight, for we did not rouse until half an hour ago.” Fíli lied, smoothly and without hesitation.

It only took Kíli about ten seconds into Fíli’s ‘speech’ for him to realise where Fíli was going, so used to his lies that he could map out his brother’s thoughts simply from how he held himself and where he looked when he spoke. Kíli tried to subtly change his expression from confusion to mutual agreement with Fíli’s, and by the glances Thorin threw both of them, he was sure it had worked – well, his subtly anyway. The actual lie itself however, was still in question.

“I will talk with your mother, see what she has to say about this. If you two did in fact study, then I will only punish you with whatever Dwalin decides to inflict upon you two today. However, if I find out you two lied, then you will be dealt with swiftly. Do I make myself clear?” Thorin’s tone was exceptionally threatening, and if looks could kill then… Dean and Aidan probably would have died too.

“Well Dwalin, I’ll leave you to it.” Thorin said flatly before leaving the three alone.

“Well, for being late, I want you two to carry all these crates to my cousin’s shop in the markets.” Dwalin gestured to the decent-sized pile of crates by the shed. “And then I would like the two of you to break down that fence that was damaged a few weeks back by Old Tashniki’s place. Then we will go out for your hunting evaluation.” He finished, grinning evilly again.

Both Fíli and Kíli’s faces dropped before Dwalin had finished. Not only would they have to do some gruelling work before the hunt, but said hunt was also an evaluation. This was not what they expected and was something they would have liked to be in their best shape for, not aching and half asleep.

“Well, off you go. You have a lot to do before you can be assessed, and I can assure you that you will want to have as much time for your evaluation as you can get.” Dwalin’s expression then turned gruff and he shooed them off to do their chores.

 

The sun was beating down hard on the two exhausted and sweaty dwarves. They had moved every single crate to Óin’s forgery and the fence would have been an easy task had they not demolished it ‘incorrectly’ (according to Dwalin) and were required to move every piece of scrap wood due to their failed attempt. By now the sun was well past mid-sky and Fíli and Kíli were not feeling so eager to do anything except for go for a swim in the forest lake – the one they discovered a while back when they first began hunting after Fíli had been allowed to train and Kíli could not. Kíli had been very upset that his big brother was able to do something that he couldn’t – I mean, hadn’t they done everything together? Feeling sorry for his little brother, Fíli had snuck out with Kíli to go exploring and stumbled upon the little oasis hidden within a rock face. It was one of their favourite places to cool off or escape to if things ever got too tough.

But, they couldn’t run off there now – not when Dwalin was waiting to start their hunt. Furthermore, since Dwalin was the faster runner out of all of them, they would never make it unseen by him. So, they got over their disappointment and readied themselves with their weapons: Fíli with his daggers and Kíli with his bow and arrows. Dwalin took a few weapons also, just in case they ran into some sour faces.

The hunt was designed to test Fíli and Kíli’s teamwork skills, but since that was something they often found so easy, Dwalin and Thorin had decided to not tell them that was what they were evaluating. Confused and a little annoyed, both dwarves began tracking animal prints and setting traps separately, but in such a way that was interconnected so they could steer any animal around to whichever trap they found necessary. Dwalin observed this closely, and even he was amazed at not only how quickly they had deployed their traps, but at how they both seemed to know what the other was doing, where they were doing it and why, and adjusting their own accordingly. Dwalin would stare at their efforts and continually find alternative paths that lead to other traps and routes for different animals. By the time Fíli and Kíli started to track some game, he could already detect as many as twenty three different ways of catching different animals based on size, speed and shape.

He stood back from their work, nodding his head to no one in particular when he stepped back and his foot was suddenly caught in a hidden trap designed for a hare or racoon. Determined to not be caught by Fíli and Kíli, he stumbled forward and turned his ankle in an attempt to twist the metal jaws that gripped his foot. But as he did that, his twisting was met with a patch of hidden mud that his other ankle slipped on. Dwalin started to fall, fully expecting to get a face full of mud when he heard a rope being released somewhere behind him and then the sound of something falling…

He soon found himself five feet below the ground in a hole and caged in a bear trap. Dwalin thought for a second. He realised that the racoon trap must have been attached to a rope from behind, which would have been connected to a pulley in a tree and as he moved the trap, as a bear might, he had triggered the hovering bear cage whilst slipping in the mud. He must have hit some lever or something as he fell which must have triggered the ground to open below him right as the trap fell from above him. So, ultimately, he found himself in the midst of a very cleverly set up trap, only what he didn’t expect to see was Fíli and Kíli standing above him, laughing and doubled over. Dwalin grunted at them, saying a few not-so-nice words and ordering them to release him before they even quietened down a little.

“Haha! That was golden! Oh, I can’t believe you ‘fell’ for that!” Fíli choked out between laughs whilst Kíli started to giggle uncontrollably at Fíli’s pun until he fell on his side. Dwalin decided that trying to protect his pride would get him nowhere, so he just stood inside the massive cage, glaring daggers at them and crossing his arms.

“Well played you two. Now, if you would like to actually pass this test, I recommend letting me out so that you have time to check all criteria.” Dwalin stated matter-of-factly.

“Maybe we will just stay here until uncle comes so he can see you like this.” Fíli suggested. Kíli laughed harder at that suggestion and they both considered it for a second before the image of their uncle’s disappointment flashed through their minds and they thought better of it.

“Fiiiine,” Kíli dragged out. “We’ll let you go _if_ you pay for our next round of ale at the pub.”

“Is that so?” Dwalin asked. “How about, if you let me go, I’ll pass you?”

Fíli and Kíli stared at each other for a second before facing Dwalin again, their faces completely serious, trying to appear as business-like as possible.

“You have yourself a deal.” they replied in kind. Dwalin nodded his head in agreement before both dwarves climbed down into the pit and used their blades to cut at the weak points of the cage and undo the trap. They all climbed up before Dwalin turned to them, arms crossed and a grave expression on his face.

“Boys, that was quite immature of you! This is a serious assessment, one which will decide whether you can move on to your next training modules or not.” Fíli and Kíli both gulped. They really wanted to get further in their training, and knowing that this was their chance to do that, they both regretted what they had just done. Dwalin just stared at them, serious and quiet for a few, long seconds. However, to Fíli and Kíli’s confusion, he suddenly broke out into genuine laughter. “But that was very well done. You two are quite cunning and clever, and you have definitely passed some of your criteria already with flying colours. But remember, I will get you back for that, just watch your backs.” He then threw them a warning glance that was light-hearted and somewhat impressed.

Fíli and Kíli both let out their held breath and joined Dwalin in laughter before they headed back to reset the traps and start tracking some prey. They spent the next few hours following the paths of different doe, boar and hare. Kíli seemed to have luck on his side – he had led the both of them back on the correct path numerous times now and had even spotted quite a few of the tracks himself. He felt very proud and lapped up all the appraisal Fíli gave him. Before long, the two were closing in on a small herd of deer, but Kíli, ever the clumsy one, tripped on a root and scared them away.

“Aww dang! I was doing so well, and I just had to scare them off! It is going to take us hours to find them again!” Kíli was quite upset with himself. Not only had he ruined his chances at passing this, but he had also ruined his brother’s, and that was not a responsibility he wanted to bear.

“Kíli, it is fine. You’ve done so well today, I am sure we will find something else. And anyway, even if you did not trip, how were you planning to catch a deer anyway? They were moving so much that we probably would have missed them.” Fíli replied.

Kíli shot a half-hearted glare at Fíli for his accidental insult before softening his gaze. He knew Fíli didn’t mean it like that, and he did just lose all the deer for them. Besides, he was probably right – they were too restless to shoot easily. “What should we do then?” Kíli asked.

“Let us go check our traps and maybe look east for more tracks. Surely some of the smaller creatures would have migrated that way by now.” Fíli suggested.

“Alright.” Kíli condoned before he began to walk back to their setup traps with Fíli.

 

“Come in.” Dís shouted when she heard a brief knock on the door. The big wooden barrier opened gently before it closed even more quietly. She could hear footsteps softly approaching, gentle but threatening, its sound oxymoronic. She turned around, knowing full well that her brother was approaching her. “If you are thinking of scaring me, it is not going to work. Did you not learn anything when we were kids?” she exclaimed over her shoulder, turning back to her work.

“You know very well that I could easily scare you.” Thorin replied, turning into the kitchen where Dís was currently washing the dishes she used to make the soup for Glóin’s family.

Dís turned around to face Thorin, her face questioning but in a derisive way. “Is that so, _ugmil nadad_? If I remember correctly, and I am a woman, so I do, you would try to scare me and I would turn around just before you struck and give you such a big fright you would wet your pants!”

Thorin’s expression turned stern. “That was before I was toilet trained.” Thorin all but whispered gruffly. “Still, I did not come to banter with you. I came to talk to you about Fíli and Kíli’s late rising. They told me that you had a stern talking to them about not trying hard enough in their lessons and that they felt so bad that they stayed up well into this morning studying before they finally fell asleep. I would believe the former half of their excuse, although I find it unlikely of them to stay up to do something like that. Can you verify this for me?” Thorin asked.

Dís went pale for a second. _You fools!_ she thought. _I told you not to come up with an excuse!_ Whilst Dís was mentally cursing the boys, she was still staring straight at Thorin, not moving a muscle but to breathe. Thorin soon started to become suspicious of her. “Dís?” he questioned.

“S-sorry, what?” She broke from her trance. “Oh! Sorry, yes. Yes they did receive a stern talking from me, but I did not think that it would be so effective as to make them feel obliged to stay up studying. I was shocked when I found them awake just before I told them to go to bed, and since they had done so well I decided to let them sleep a little longer. I can tell you, I did not expect to see them still asleep when I returned home though.” she rushed out.

Thorin’s eyebrows raised in suspicion. That was said awfully fast and somewhat nervously, but something she had said didn’t sit right with Thorin. He couldn’t work out what it was, but he knew something was going on here. After giving her a thoughtful and questioning glance, he spoke up again. “Alright, but please make sure that it does not happen again. I do not want their assessments to be jeopardised by futile attempts to right what they have done wrong.” Thorin finished.

Dís tried to hold herself upright, not breaking her blank façade that her brother wore so well. “Very well.” she replied flatly, the exact mirror of her brother. Thorin’s questioning gaze returned slightly as he took in her sudden lack of emotion. Something was definitely not right with this.

“ _Zu sakhi_ _ubdùzh_ ” Thorin said, still no emotion in his voice.

“ _Ya’zu_ ” Dís replied.

Thorin hesitated a second before turning around and leaving as abruptly as he came. He had this nagging feeling that something was not right with the stories he was told. He knew that the boys had gone to sleep after they realised the time and then…

Wait, they went to sleep on their own accord? That couldn’t be right, Dís had said they went…

Oh. _Oh!_ That was the problem! They had lied – which explains why Dís was so confused, and Kíli was so hesitant, and why they were late – because Dís _didn’t_ actually know. But then… What _were_ they doing? Thorin’s head was swirling with questions, and for every one that he solved, two more seemed to pop up. Confused and frustrated, he made his way back to the forest where the boys would be hunting. He was going to have to find out what happened, by whatever means necessary.

 

By the time Fíli and Kíli had reset their traps, they had also stumbled upon a large set of hoof tacks that could only belong to the deer that Kíli had initially scared off. The footprints were very shallow and quite clustered, so they both silently agreed that they had enough time to try and pursue them again. The only problem was…

Their tracks very quickly disappeared, and they left very little evidence as to where they were travelling or how fast they had gone. The herd had run through very dry terrain, the ground practically unaffected by their trampling, and the only evidence available was indirect. They spent a lot of time trying to find the edges of the path before they could follow any sort of track.

They soon got to a fork in the road, the path seeming to lead both ways. Fíli and Kíli stood completely confused, uncertain of what to do. They both started to look at each path for evidence as to which way the deer went without ruining anything for the other. Fíli decided that it was pointless trying to search for the deer this way and started to _listen_. Fíli knew that with his curse came blessings, one being heightened senses. Fíli could hear things happening from almost a mile away, and that had not only helped himself and his family in more than one situation, but it also meant that no one could ever scare him – in fact, he would end up scaring anyone who tried because he always knew _exactly_ how far away they were. This time was no different. Fíli listened, hushing Kíli a few times, before he could pick up the faintest sound of the slow scuffle of hooves – maybe 3,000 feet away – moving at a gentle but not relaxed pace. The sound echoed throughout the forest, making the direction hard to ascertain.

Meanwhile, Kíli had found a light trail heading down the south-east path. He stood up to face Fíli, completely silent and gestured his head towards the path. Fíli squinted his eyes, listening carefully in that direction, but not really picking anything up. He turned his head back to the north-east path, listening, and heard the light patter of the deer roaming through the bushes. Fíli shook his head, turning to face Kíli. “It is not down there,” he whispered. “They went up this way.”

“But look at the tracks. They had to have come down here.” Kíli countered. He knew deer tracks anywhere, and those footprints were definitely from a deer.

“But can’t you hear them? They’re coming from up there.” Fíli tried to persuade Kíli, but he didn’t seem to be getting through.

“Hear them? Come on Fíli. I know you have good hearing, but that is absurd! You need to accept the fact that, once again, I am right and the deer went down here. Please stop being so stubborn. The sooner we get this done, the better.” Kíli tried.

“Kíli, they are not down there. All you are going off is one footprint – you do not even know if it is the same herd. You cannot tell how old the tracks are. I _can_ hear them. They are up there. We should go this way.” Fíli started to get agitated.

“Fíli – You. Cannot. Hear. Them. I do not know what delusional things you are telling yourself, but your hearing is not that good. Besides, I initially found this herd in this first place! Do you not think that I would be right now?” Kíli also began getting frustrated at his brother’s stubbornness. After all, it was a mutual trait that was inherent in the line of Durin – I mean, look at Thorin!

“Kíli, they are not down there, and that is final.”

“But…” Kíli interjected.

“No buts! You are wrong, so deal with it!” Fíli’s anger grew.

“Excuse me, but who has always been the better hunter? Who Fíli? Who!” Kíli was beginning to yell at this point. “You know that they are not up there and you are just trying to protect your pride. Get over it! You have lost this time. We are going down here. _Final_!” Kíli mocked.

“My pride? Really? Are you that shallow that you would use something like that, something that _you_ struggle with to try and win a losing battle? You really are a piece of work, you _zuznuizu,_ _khufdul shandul …_ idiot!” Fíli stumbled.

“Wow!” Kíli mocked. “You cannot even go through with your own insults! You really should have studied your _Khuzdul ghivashua nadad_. _Klutizu zûr zuznuizu_ ” Kíli spat.

“Wrong? Me? You are the definition of wrong! How could you deny that the deer are not over there? You are … you are a … _istâl!_ ”

“Fíli, Fíli, Fíli,” Kíli laughed maliciously.

“What, what, what?” Fíli growled.

“It amuses me how arrogant and stupid you are. You are no great hunter. You are just plain stupid, that is what you are!” Kíli hissed.

Fíli grunted in frustration. “ _Takt_ _!_ ”

“How about you shut up, you freak!” Kíli screamed.

Fíli gulped and took a step back, shocked. His face quickly morphed into one of pure rage and he had a dark look in his eyes. Fíli snarled, literally growling at him. His teeth extended out and began to sharpen. Kíli’s glare dropped and was replaced by that of shock and fear. Fíli’s form started to grow, his height extending and his chest protruding. He glared at Kíli, shooting daggers at him, trying to intimidate his fearful face.

Wait, Kíli was scared? Like actually, legitimately scared? Fíli freaked out for a second before he realised what was happening. He had lost so much control over his emotions that he no longer had control over his form. He staggered backwards, rearing over onto his behind before he rolled over into a ball, grunting in pain. Kíli was in shock at this point, not knowing what to do or think. Fíli was clawing at his arms and chest, chanting painfully in some foreign language. Fíli’s body started to deflate and he was sweating and panting as if he had just run from the Iron Hills (seriously, Fíli never seemed out of energy unless he had been training all day with Dwalin).

Fíli stopped struggling and just lay on the ground, breathing heavily, and it took him a few more minutes before he could even stand up. Kíli was yet to even move a muscle, glued to the spot and still scared but not as prey – no, he had an incomprehensible fear. He stumbled back a couple of steps when Fíli stirred, and he full on ran when Fíli rose to his feet gingerly.

It took Fíli a second of staggering around before he found his footing, and another minute before he got his depth perception back. Fíli remembers feeling really angry, but he doesn’t remember what at. Then he remembers what he was doing that day, and who he was with, and that said dwarf was nowhere to be seen. Fíli quickly filled in the blanks before his and his brother’s conversation hit him in the gut as a painful blow, right before his anger surged back through him.

Not seeing Kíli anywhere, he decided that he would seek the council of the only person he could talk to about this: his mother. Fíli ran straight home, not caring about the fact he was still being assessed, and stomped straight through the front door before proceeding to slam it.

 

Kíli was stumbling around the forest, confused and not entirely sure if what had just happened was real or if he was so angry that his head had begun hallucinating in order to calm himself down. He very quickly found Dwalin though, standing against a tree with his arms crossed and face passive as if he was expecting Kíli to find his way to him.

“Well, I see you two had a difference of opinions.” Dwalin stated gruffly.

“Y-yeah, we did.” Kíli stumbled, scratching the back of his head as he tried to remember the last ten minutes.

“I heard yelling – and over which path to take, am I correct?” Dwalin’s voice remained monotone.

“Yeah…” Kíli mumbled.

“And which way did you think it was?” Dwalin pushed.

“I _know_ it was south-east” Kíli affirmed.

“Right…” Dwalin exaggerated.

“Yes, I am right!” Kíli was starting to get frustrated now.

“But were you?” Dwalin’s voice sounded rhetorical.

“Yes … well I think so at least…” Kíli started to question himself. He had been very emotionally driven, and now that his supercharged ego had begun to deflate, he also started to think logically (for Mahal’s sake, _girls_ think emotionally – he was a male!).

Dwalin chuckled, lowering his head before he stared Kíli straight in his eyes, his glare gluing Kíli the spot. “Well, I have some news for you…” Dwalin replied.

Kíli’s face dropped in embarrassment and shame quickly before he was able to cover it up with his blank façade. It took only a few seconds for the anger to return as well, and he quickly went from a pouting dwarrow to an enraged fool. Still, he tried to hide his emotions, if only to save the scrap of self-respect he had left.

Without uttering another word, Kíli swiftly turned around and stormed off, his back now facing an amused Dwalin as he went off to calm down.

 

“Does he know anything?” Dís was freaking out.

“No, _amad_ , otherwise I would not be talking to you right now. I stopped before my flesh changed, but I still grew…” Fíli trailed off.

“Did it hurt?” Dís asked, still very concerned.

“It felt like my flesh was being torn from my body…” Fíli shuddered at the memory of the pain of his reversal. Never before had he had to stop his transformation midway, and he only knew the reversal spell because it had been implanted in his brain. He knew it would hurt – he had what could be called instincts when it came to shape shifting – but he had never expected the pain of reversing to be so incredibly excruciating. “I will be fine.” Fíli reassured her before his anger returned.

“Fíli, calm down my boy. I know Kíli is stubborn, and I know he did not actually mean to call you that. You _know_ that Kíli loves you and idolises you, it is just that, well… When someone is angry, they do not think properly. They make bad decisions, and what was once pure and loving can quickly turn sour and dark.” Dís was holding Fíli’s upper arms, shaking him lightly to get him to make eye contact.

The anger and rage were still there, but underneath it all was a look of fear, hopelessness and disappointment. Dís knew that Fíli would blame himself for the situation – he always had taken the blame for Kíli, and even though he had been a part of the argument, he still didn’t initiate it – plus, he was correct. “You must remember that what you heard was not Kíli, but his anger.”

“I know, but it still does not make me feel any happier now.” Fíli murmured.

“I know, and these things take time. But, I think you should just let off some steam before you go and find him again. Since I expect him to be here very soon, why do you not simply go and complete your transformation and maybe, if you are far away enough, let loose some of that pent up frustration.” Dís suggested sincerely.

“Alright…” Fíli muttered before flashing a small smile. “Thank you, mother.”

Dís laughed gleefully, before shooing him off, “Get going boy, before Kíli sees you.”

 

It was dark now, and Kíli had not yet left the tree he climbed up to pout in. Sure he had been wrong, but considering the circumstances, you could see why he had thought otherwise. Surely…

Kíli sighed heavily before he proceeded to climb down the tree. His anger had dissipated a while ago and now all that was left was embarrassment, guilt and disappointment at the fact that he had failed their training module upgrade assessment.

Kíli’s stomach was growling at him, having been denied sustenance for most of the day. Kíli decided he should probably go home and apologise to Fíli for yelling and failing their assessment. He had been walking for about ten minutes when a distant, gruff sound and what sounded like a snapping tree branch could be heard in the distance.

Kíli decided to ignore it since he didn’t want to be reminded of the day, but as the growls became unfamiliar and it came closer, his curiosity got the better of him. Quickly finding a tall tree, he climbed about half way up until he had a raven’s view of his surroundings to a reasonable distance. It only took a few seconds before he spotted a disturbance in the trees about a quarter of a mile from where he was.

Deciding to be bold (or stupid … same thing), he climbed down and stalked quietly over to where he could see the creature that was creating the ruckus. Once he had found a good hiding spot among some bushes, he took a quick peak to see what was making the tumultuous sounds. To his surprise, Kíli saw a creature that he had only ever heard of in his favourite book of tales.

Before him stood a great lion, clawing roughly at a tree, seeming to try and rip it apart and doing a pretty good job at it. The tree soon tumbled over, landing directly next to Kíli. He jumped, startled by the close call. He had heard about lions before but he had never known them to be so aggressive or strong – and being completely unarmed, he decided it best to leave it be for tonight. I mean, it’s not like the lion had anywhere to go.

Kíli quickly ran home. He was completely baffled, excited, and totally forgetting about the tussle he had had with his brother earlier. He had news, and he couldn’t wait to share it with his brother.

 

If only Kíli knew…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Khuzdul translations (for those who are not privileged enough to speak it fluently):
> 
> Mahal - Aulë, the Valar that created the dwarves  
> Amad - mother  
> Zu dolzekhi - Thank you (singular form 'you')  
> Old Tashniki - I made this dwarf up, but 'Tashniki' means either 'I am ripping apart' or 'I will rip apart' since Kíli and Fíli ripped apart his fence - I know, kinda lame, but whatever... Also, as a side note, during the piece in Fellowship called 'The Bridge of Khazad-dûm' when the males are singing, they say 'Ugrûd tashniki kurdumâ' which means 'Fear rips our hearts' and I thought it interesting when I was translating this name that there was this connection to something in LOTR - anyways, side note over!  
> Ugmil nadad - big brother (more explicitly 'older brother' since big is a ... well, BIG word (namely, ezùhyesh))  
> Zu sakhi ubdùzh - see you later (more explicitly 'I will see you later')  
> Ya'zu - you [singular] too (more explicitly 'you [singular] also')  
> Zuznuizu, khufdul shandul - wrong, narrow minded (more explicitly ' you are wrong, narrow brain-like')  
> Ghivashua nadad - dear (treasured) brother [it was used mockingly in this context]  
> Klutizu zûr zuznuizu - Maybe you would hear how wrong you are (more explicitly [since I have to roughly translate] 'You will hear how wrong are you' - [Geez, sounds terrible like that, doesn't it?])  
> Istâl - (GRRR I have so little to work with) Note: Umm, well okay. Here's another rough translation. This basically is saying that he is not as good of a hunter as himself. It translates exactly to 'lesser hunter', but I am also curious whether it should be 'istâl' or 'istaâl' since 'ista' is lesser hunt and 'âl' means profession - I've seen cases where if you add a prefix or suffix and you double up a vowel, you just cancel one - since these are similar vowels, I'm not sure - oh well, this is good enough (thanks a lot David Salo for not translating enough!)  
> Takt! - shut up! (more explicitly, 'silence!')
> 
> Note [added 25 May] - I'm so sorry, chapter 3 is not currently being written due to exams even though I am part way through it. I feel so bad for taking so long, but please bear with me! I really hope for it to be done by the end of the first week of June


	3. From Long to Impossibly So

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's no punishment quite like guilt...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sobs quietly* I'm so horrible - sorry this took like 10,000 years to be posted, but you know (maybe?) what it's like right around exams and working full time. Not exactly a walk in the park! But we are here none the less!
> 
> Just to let you know (in case you haven't guessed it already), I will try to indirectly translate any Khuzdul phrases in the actual story because I know it can be frustrating to have to scroll up and down and I will give the explicit translation below. I'm not a fan of the characters speaking something in Khuzdul then repeating it again in Westron - I think that it would be superfluous in their context and so I avoid it.
> 
> Also, since this chapter is enormous, I considered splitting it into two chapters, but that would mean that the first chapter would be pretty much just setting you up for the second chapter which in itself is setting you up for the actual movie-verse part of the story, so even though it is like almost as long as my first two chapters put together, I didn't want to split it for that reason, but I have made this one shorter and the next one longer, so it is at least under 8,000 words...
> 
> (A little FYI - I've changed the Archive Warnings but they may not yet apply - consider these as 'spoilers' if you will, but they will eventually be relevant, although not necessarily in a way you may expect...)
> 
> Anyways, Mahrûk! (Enjoy! [more explicitly 'Like!'])

_‘How dare he. How dare he!_ ’was all that was going through Fíli’s mind. ‘ _Does he think I’m stupid?! He’s the stupid one!_ ’ Fíli’s claws were ripping and shredding the bark in front of him, his front leg muscles rippling with the exertion from his brute force and anger. _If only this tree were Kíli…_ the thought popped into Fíli’s mind.

 **Oh no** thought Fíli. **Stop, before you go too far** he argued with himself.

_But he is stupid and needs to learn when he is wrong!_

With a sudden crash, the tree trunk snapped the rest of the way and slowly proceeded to crash into the earth. Fíli thought he heard the sound of a gasp, but he quickly dismissed it when his raw, animalistic side continued arguing with his reasonable, gentle half.

 _I wish that tree would have been him_ Fíli thought sadistically.

 **Oh no. No you don’t.** he argued back.

_I would claw his skin off slowly, mutilate him…_

**Stop!**

_Make him squeal…_

**Stop! Stop! Stop…**

Fíli was starting to feel dizzy. He could no longer stand on his four legs, his mind fighting itself. On one side was Fíli’s raw and untamed emotions and on the other side was Fíli’s consciousness. Fíli knew that once he transformed back into a dwarf, he would be terrified of what he was currently fighting over, but for now (and for future times to come) he knew that this monster would not forget, and that it was a grave danger to Kíli. Just another dwarf to add to the list of almost forty dwarves whom he wanted to rip apart when he was this, this … thing.

Breathing heavily, Fíli tried to harness all his energy into becoming a dwarf again, into controlling the raging fire in his mind. This was bad. This was really, really bad.

Fíli took a shaky breath before rearing on his hind legs, paws in the air as he let out an almighty roar which shook the trees and vibrated the ground, before he blacked out and fell to the ground…

 

“ _Amad! Amad!_ I am home” Kíli yelled as he came in through the front door, completely disregarding his mother’s wishes to remove his now muddy boots and proceeded to head straight for Fíli’s room. He had news, exciting news, and he needed to share it with his brother. However, as he barged through Fíli’s door, he was once again met with an empty room. Kíli frowned. It was now well past twilight and Fíli would never be out this late. Kíli thought for a moment as to why Fíli would not be here when Dís came up behind him.

“Hello?” Dís grumbled out. “Were you even listening to me?”

“Whaa… Sorry?” Kíli asked.

“I kept calling after you,” Dís replied, a questioning grin on her face. “I wanted to let you know Fíli went out. He just needed to release some steam.”

Dís’ comment caught Kíli by surprise until he realised why Fíli was angry. Kíli mentally face palmed himself for being so childishly excited over something so trivial that he had completely forgotten about the rift the two had been in earlier. Kíli was still curious as to why it would take Fíli so long to actually calm down, but Kíli disregarded it. After all, Kíli never really held any grudges, unlike most other dwarves (namely, Thorin).

“Are you after Fíli to talk to him about what happened?” Dís interrupted Kíli’s train of thought.

“Uh, no. Well, yes. And no.” Kíli kept correcting himself, Dís’ look becoming more questioning. Seeing this, Kíli continued. “I had news that I wanted to tell Fíli, and I guess I got so excited by it that I forgot I was even angry at him.” Dís smirked at this. “But now that I remember, I do owe him an apology. You do not know where he would be _amad_?” Kíli asked.

“ _Inùdoyuh_ , he will take a while longer to vent his anger. I believe that because he fought against his anger at first, namely for your sake, that it just built up until it suffocated him. Do not trouble yourself. Yes, you have made a mistake, but so has Fíli for becoming so angry with you. I believe you two will sort this out, but for now, just go to bed” Dís suggested.

 _Hmm_ Kíli thought. _Amad must just send me to bed whenever she doesn’t know what to do._ Kíli internally laughed at this before he decided on following his mother’s ‘advice’ and went into Fíli’s room before he proceeded to pull back the covers and fall straight ‘asleep’ in Fíli’s bed once again.

 

Fíli let out a light chuckle at seeing Kíli once again fast asleep in his own bed. _You’re so peaceful_ Fíli thought. _If only you were always this calm_ Fíli let out another soft chuckle. He was about to get in to bed next to Kíli when Dís entered the room.

“Better?” she asked quietly, giving his tense shoulders a gentle rub.

“No, not really…” he said as he let loose muscles he didn’t even realise were coiled tightly.

“At least you have vented.” Dís offered.

“No _amad_ , this is much more serious. I, I …” Fíli stumbled. “It … now hates Kíli too. I tried to control it, I really did, but it was ripping apart this tree, and it kept talking about wanting to rip apart Kíli too.” Dís had gone completely pale and Fíli had a look of dread laced with guilt. “I know that he is safe so long as I can stay away from him, but…” Fíli stopped.

“What happened then? What did you do?” Dís questioned.

“I tried to fight it. I really tried to supress its rage and anger. Eventually I blacked out, I think, and I don’t remember much else, just that I am here now as a dwarf with silly old Kíli asleep in my bed again.” Fíli smirked, but it quickly vanished in the reality of his predicament.

“Will Kíli be safe around you if your uncle’s plans are to go through?” Dís questioned.

“I do not know…” Fíli trailed off. He was already feeling exhausted, not only from his transformation, or the fight, or even the hunt, but today had been long and gruelling, and the extra training that morning had not helped his condition. In retrospect, he should have just slept on the floor last night. Kíli would have woken up and then roused Fíli in time for their lesson, but the past had already been. He could only focus on fixing his current situation, and sleep was knocking hard on his door, threatening to crash it down and engulf him.

“You look exhausted. Sleep; we can discuss this in the morning” Dís suggested, stroking under Fíli’s chin. Fíli animatedly stretched his arms above his head, yawning widely (he was part lion after all) before he bid his mother goodnight with a kiss of the cheek and closed the door to his room.

Fíli stared down at the body spread across his bed. Fíli smiled at his little brother, always able to fall asleep anytime and anywhere with absolutely anything happening around him. Not wanting a repeat of this morning’s incident, Fíli gathered a few scattered pillows and a sheet and set up a makeshift bed on the hard, stone floor, falling asleep not long after his head hit the pillow.

 

The morning sun spread through the room and warmed up the darkness. The light shone brightly around the shadows, but it did not greet Fíli’s face. Confused, Fíli opened one eye and looked up, only to be met with a less than pleased Thorin standing over him, hands on his hips and an expression that told Fíli right away to get up. Fíli’s upper body shot up, both eyes opening quickly as he scanned his bed to find Kíli not there. He shot a glance back to Thorin, terror registering on his face. Thorin, seeing the conclusion Fíli had come to, relaxed his face, if only marginally, before demanding “Get up.”

Before Fíli could even question Thorin, said dwarf had turned and abruptly left his room. Confused and still concerned, Fíli very quickly got up and changed his clothes, since he hadn’t bothered to change last night and he was still wearing the same outfit as the one he wore for the hunt yesterday.

Fíli walked into the parlour and was greeted by the wonderful smell of eggs coming from the kitchen. Before he could get any though, he was once again met with a not-too-pleased Thorin along with a seemingly annoyed Dís and a sheepish Kíli, who had not yet dressed and was just in his trousers, his top half bare. Fíli’s gaze went between Kíli and Dís before it finally met Thorin’s one again.

“Fíli. Dís and I wanted to talk to you. About yours and Kíli’s behaviour.” Fíli gulped. “We understand that you two are young and at an age where you may feel a little…” Thorin stumbled for a word; “rebellious, at times. But you must know your duties as heir to the throne. Now, I know that that title may mean nothing here, to you or to any of our people, but should we go through with this quest, should we succeed … it will become your life.” Fíli’s head drooped marginally at this. “I know you have only just come of age Fíli, and the both of you are still in your adolescence…” Thorin’s gaze quickly shifted over to Kíli before Fíli remember Kíli was here too. This raised a few questions in Fíli’s mind: _Why is Thorin only addressing me? Has he already talked to Kíli? Why was Kíli up before me? Why did he address us separately?_

Thorin continued, interrupting Fíli’s chain of thought. “…but you still need to behave yourselves. Being late for a lesson, I can dismiss. But being late for such an important one, and lying to me about it too? I would have thought more highly of the two of you.” Thorin’s anger has slightly returned, but it is mainly disappointment that his voice registers, and it is that disappointment that hurts Fíli the most.

“And then to hear the two of you get into a fight and just leave your examination? I do not know what got into the two of you yesterday, but by Durin you two were out of line. Now, your mother and I have had a talk as to what would be a suitable punishment for the two of you. It has come to our attention that the two of you are only ever really in trouble when with each other, unless there are other things going on that we know not about…” Thorin’s eyebrow goes up questioningly before he proceeds; “However, we have decided that the two of you need to have some time to right yourselves, to respect yourself and your family, _abhyûr mahbeknuizu_.” Thorin emphasised. “So, we have decided that one of you will travel with me to meet with Balin, son of Fundin at the Gulf of Lhûn. It is a three day journey there, and I believe that should be enough time for you. Afterwards, I will head to the Iron Hills to meet with Dain. If I hear that you two do not behave yourselves during this time, then you can consider yourselves uninvited to join me on my quest. Do I make myself clear?” Thorin’s voice leaves no room for argument.

“Yes uncle” Fíli and Kíli both say.

“Good, now Fíli – go pack your stuff. We leave in three hours” Thorin says before turning around. Fíli’s eyebrows shoot up. He thought this might happen, but he really, really didn’t want it to. It was hard enough trying to control himself around Kíli, now with Thorin and his stubbornness…

Once again, Fíli’s train of though was interrupted, but this time by Dís. “Thorin! I thought we agreed that Kíli was going” Dís stated angrily. Realisation dawned on Fíli as to what probably went down last night and why Thorin would then choose Fíli instead of accepting Dís’ wishes. “Fíli can’t go, he needs to stay here” Dís continued.

“I have made my decision, sister mine. Fíli will accompany me as my heir and Kíli will help run the house whilst Fíli is gone.” Thorin stated gruffly.

“But you said, you _said_ Kíli was going to go! Why would you lie to me?” Dís sounded really angry, but Fíli knew she was just desperate, desperate for his own sake.

“Enough!” Thorin yelled. “Fíli is coming with me. Fíli, go now and pack your things. Kíli, for the love of Mahal, get dressed and help your brother” Thorin continued before he walked to the door and reached for the handle. “Meet me at the training stables in three hours or by all the gold in Erebor, you will be in _real_ trouble” Thorin glared at Fíli before he left, slamming the door behind him.

Dís left out a really dramatic sigh before cursing under her breath and pacing towards the kitchen, only to find she had forgotten about the eggs and they were now no better than the charcoal in their hearth. Fíli and Kíli exchanged confused glances before Kíli went to the washroom to clean up from yesterday, leaving Fíli all alone in the all-too-silent parlour. Sighing quietly, Fíli headed for his room before he started to pack for what was going to be a _long_ trip.

 

Fíli was still busying himself with packing when he heard a light knock on the door. He looked over his shoulder as he stood up fully and was met with a timid Kíli at his door. “Have you been there long, brother?” Fíli questioned casually.

Kíli’s shoulders slumped forward slightly as he pushed himself out of a leaning position and walked over to Fíli, hands in his pockets. “Not really” Kíli replied, kicking his leg out in front of him and slightly swinging on his other leg. “Just came to see if you needed any help”

Fíli couldn’t help but smile at Kíli’s actions. “I should be fine, thank you” Fíli replied, smile widening infinitesimally before he turned his head back around to continue packing.

Kíli stood there, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, nervously chewing his lower lip. After a minute or two, Fíli turned around, a small look of confusion on his face. “Are you fine back there? Watching a master packer at work?” he teased.

Kíli scoffed at his remark. “Please. We all know you are next to useless when it comes to spatial reasoning. You cannot pack efficiently to save your life, brother” Kíli taunted.

“Is that so?” Fíli asked, voice predatory but playful. Before Kíli knew what was happening, Fíli was upon him, wrestling him to the ground. After the initial shock, Kíli mustered up enough strength to overthrow his brother and he had no longer than a second before Fíli was back on him. They were at it for a few minutes, and Fíli realised that he was not going to win – he wouldn’t lose either, it would just be a stalemate, and Fíli wanted to win. He always wanted to win. So, in an attempt to throw Kíli off, he wriggled one of his trapped hands and started to mercilessly tickle Kíli.

Kíli’s grip slackened instantly before he rolled over onto his back, curling into a ball to stop Fíli’s attacks whilst laughing joyfully. “F-F-Fíliii” Kíli choked out between laughs and gasps for breath. “S-sto-op. Please” Kíli begged, eyes watering and tears threatening to spill.

“Yield?” Fíli requested.

“N-never!” Kíli shot back, still laughing but able to breathe because of the short break Fíli gave him.

“Very well” Fíli said and began to attack his sides and neck again. Kíli burst out in laughter once more, and when he could barely breathe, he finally gave up.

“F-f-fine. I yield” he choked out. Fíli’s predatory grin turned to a prideful smirk before he got off of Kíli and tried to slow down his heavy breathing a little. Kíli lay on his back, panting and trying to regain his vision after being blurred from the loss of air and tears. He still managed to choke out an insult that Fíli didn’t quite hear but he could probably guess what it was – something childish most likely.

“Well, while you may have better ‘spatial reasoning’…” Fíli mocked, “I am still stronger, and smarter. And so I suggest not challenging me” and Fíli was wearing that predatory smirk again, before it turned gentle and his breath calmed down. “Now, I really do need to pack. I do not wish to have Uncle beheading or castrating us for being late because we were playing around” Fíli smirked.

“Fiiiine” Kíli dragged out. He got up and was about to leave when he suddenly remembered what he was going to tell Fíli from last night before he didn’t even show up until after he himself had gone to bed. “Oooh Fíli, I need to tell you something” Kíli began.

“Is it that I am a glorious victor and you have learnt when to surrender because you are not going to win?” Fíli teased.

“Ha ha, very funny” Kíli mocked. “No, I wanted to tell you about something I saw last night.” Kíli was awarded with Fíli’s full attention now.

“You mean like, dusk last night or night last night?” Fíli asked, an edge of concern in his voice.

“It was dusk last night. I was not entirely sure what it was, but there was this massive creature, with bright blonde and rich, rusty coloured hair.” Fíli’s face had gone pale. “It was on its hind legs, and it seemed to be trying to shred a tree…” Fíli’s mind started to haze over and he was feeling slightly sick. “…that or rip it down because the tree toppled over and almost hit me!” Kíli laughed and the sound broke Fíli’s terrified thoughts and he reared up, which almost toppled him over due to his dizziness. “Whoa, you right there Fíli?” Kíli laughed as he saw Fíli almost trip on nothing. Fíli didn’t respond. Couldn’t respond. But that was okay, because Kíli went on regardless.

“When I got home last night, you were not here. I was very worried until _amad_ assured me you were just calming down.” The sudden relief that surged through Fíli was so enormous that he almost toppled over again from the force of it. “But I still wanted to know what that creature was” Kíli continued.

“So, I went to look at some of the books in your room to see if I could find anything, but you were coming home as I was still searching, so I ran straight to your bed, not realising it was not mine, and tried to play ‘asleep’, and I am pretty sure it worked” Kíli grinned sheepishly. Trying not to let his inner emotions show on his face, Fíli merely lifted an eyebrow at this, which made Kíli all the more bashful. “I also got up early this morning to try and work it out, and I think I know what it is.” Kíli’s face grew brighter in excitement as Fíli’s face darkened in fear. “I think that I saw a lion out there Fíli! How cool is that?!” Kíli was beaming at his little discovery.

Fíli was not able to comprehend the situation he had gotten himself into, albeit naïve on Kíli’s behalf. He was still trying to process what the hell to do when Kíli interrupted.

“Fíli? Are you listening?” Kíli nudged his shoulder, a little hint of frustration in his voice but mainly excitement.

“Uhh…” Fíli slurred out before he stopped all his thoughts and pulled his wits together. “Of course I was!” Fíli countered, a little more venom in his voice than he intended, but now that he had a saddle on his thoughts, he wouldn’t let them buck him off track. Kíli on the other hand was shocked slightly at how Fíli had responded. He quickly brushed it away however – Fíli was known to have some strange mood changes and this was probably just another one of those.

“Okay, okay, I meant no offence” Kíli tried. When he saw Fíli’s face calm slightly, he continued. “I was just asking on your thoughts about seeing a lion around here” Kíli asked.

Fíli tried to hold a stern façade whilst his mind was screaming at him to come up with some sort of reply. He eventually went with “I have none” and tried to rid his voice of all emotion. Kíli was even more confused at this – Fíli was always excited about the unknown and more often than not the two found themselves lost trying to look for some creature they ‘claimed’ to have seen. So, Kíli was definitely confused by this.

“What do you mean, ‘You have no thoughts’? Come on, you always have something to say about everything out of the normal” Kíli’s confusion was giving way to frustration.

“Well, I have none now” Fíli was frustrated as well, but he tried to maintain his monotone – after all, it wouldn’t help to get angry again now.

Still confused but not willing to relent, Kíli tried a different approach. “Well then, let us go out and find it!” Fíli sighed, palming his face.

“Kíli, how am I supposed to find a _non-existent_ creature out in the forest which is two miles from here and still pack and meet uncle, all within the next three hours?” Fíli questioned, hoping that it would sway Kíli.

It did not.

“Well, we will go look for it when you get back” Kíli was getting more and more enthusiastic about the prospect of it.

“Kíli – I. Said. No! Why is it so hard for you to get that through your thick skull?” Fíli growled.

“Why not Fíli? Why do you always have to do this? You act one way and then when you see fit, you throw it back in my face?” Kíli pleaded.

“It is not like that Kíli and you know that” Fíli sighed.

“No, I do not. All you ever seem to give me is the brick wall and I not only dislike it but it hurts for you to think of me like that” Kíli’s tone had an edge of sadness to it. “Please Fíli, just this one time will you come with me?” Kíli tried.

Fíli had almost had enough. He really tried to bite back his tone. “No Kíli” he said in a voice so monotone it even surprised himself.

Kíli tried one more time – you know, for luck. “Please?” his voice was louder and more demanding, almost a whine, and that pushed Fíli over the edge.

“I SAID NO KÍLI! GET OUT OF MY ROOM!” Fíli roared, arm pointing toward his open door. As soon as the words left his mouth, Fíli instantly regretted them and mentally scolded himself for having so little control of his emotions.

“O-o-okay” Kíli barely whispered before he turned his head and left Fíli fuming in his spot. Fíli could have sworn his heart had torn from what he just did to his brother. He was disgusted with himself – Kíli may be stubborn, but he did not deserve what Fíli just said, and in the tone he did. This Mahal forsaken curse would be the death of Fíli – and it only served to worsen his situation because he could not talk to Kíli about why he reacted the way he had – he never could, and that only made his situation worse.

Fíli almost went to apologise to Kíli when he heard Dís say “Kíli?” right before the front door slammed shut. Fíli closed his eyes tight, sighing to himself and feeling a familiar guilt gnaw at the pit of his stomach. This trip had turned from long to impossibly so…

 

Kíli left the house in a breeze. He didn’t know what to think – he was thinking everything and nothing at the same time. He was angry, confused, upset, disappointed and above it all, he felt guilty. Why he felt guilty was still a mystery to him, but he had too much running around his head to try and focus on that.

Instead, he decided it would be best to just find a peaceful spot and try and sort out his emotions. Kíli now regretted having stayed up so late trying to find out about the lion because he was nodding off slightly and that definitely didn’t help in anyway.

He thought that maybe focusing on each emotion separately would help him sort through the frenzy that his mind was in, but it was hard enough to even distinguish each emotion, let alone block out the rest whilst trying to analyse one at a time. Perhaps doing something physical yet mind numbing might help him sort out his anger at least, and that is how Kíli found himself at his uncle's, walking round the back to grab and axe and leaving straight away, not wanting a repeat of their conversation this morning, because that was something entirely different which he didn’t want to think about at the moment.

Before Kíli knew what he was doing, he found himself heading down a familiar path that led towards the woods outside of the mountains where they resided. Kíli rarely ever came here with Fíli – it wasn’t for any particular reason, it was just that Fíli never really needed to help Kíli with collecting chopping wood – and Fíli was usually too busy chopping the wood that Kíli had brought from here to help him anyway. Kíli thought that maybe visiting a place that didn’t harbour endless memories of Fíli would help him to sort more easily through what he was feeling.

Before long, he found himself standing at the entry to the forest which was now surrounded with large tree stumps that were rotting away and new trees growing around them. He found the wheelbarrow off to the side and sighed in relief because he had realised not five minutes ago that he had forgotten one. Swinging the axe off of his shoulder, Kíli found a small but wide tree to chop down and he roughly measured it up before he checked how many coins he had on him. _Five silver and two gold coins. That should suffice_ he mentally checked.

Kíli sized up the log before he started to accurately but powerfully chop near the bottom of the trunk. With each chop of the axe, Kíli tried to channel his anger towards it, to let it flow out through his movements, and it really helped given his environment.

By the time the tree had fallen, Kíli had rid himself of most of his anger – all that remained was a lingering amount which was mostly directed towards himself. Now that his mind was free from all irrational thoughts, he could more clearly work out what on middle earth was going on in his head.

 

As Thorin had instructed, Fíli had met him at the town stables exactly three hours after his abrupt departure, carrying a small bag with clothes and provisions and wearing his large assortment of weaponry, his twin blades and carrying his pipe with smoke weed. Thorin looked him over from his position and nodded his approval towards Fíli before reigning up his own horse. Fíli did the same, gently brushing across her crest before he fed her an apple.

“ _Tank Tharkû. Zataganagimâ kuthu Thorin zharamai Kharubel_ ” Fíli whispered into Tharkû’s ear. She gently swayed her head as Fíli pulled her along by the reigns to where Thorin was standing.

“Ready uncle?” Fíli asked.

“Almost – let me check my things and then I think we should depart” was Thorin’s reply. Fíli stood in place, deciding that fighting against his thoughts was not getting him anywhere. He thought about what happened with himself and Kíli, about why he was so snappy, and it only made him more upset that even though it was Kíli’s fault, it really wasn’t. Kíli was totally oblivious to his situation and Fíli, while extremely grateful for this, was also saddened by it. And now that he would have to spend at least a week away from his mother, the only person who he could talk to about what he was going through didn’t help at all.

“ _Akhrûbimâ!_ ” Thorin declared before he mounted Kharubel and the others joined. They made haste for the gates of Ered Luin where the guards bid them off. As Fíli got himself into the rhythm of Tharkû’s gallop, he let his mind wander. He tried to sort through each feeling, compartmentalise them and deal with them separately. Despite all his past struggles, Fíli was quite an organised dwarf, especially when it came to his thoughts. He had screwed up too many times for him not to care about how he thought and in what order he thought, and he always, ALWAYS thought before he spoke. So the first thing Fíli decided he should think through was his spontaneous actions.

Never before had Fíli as a dwarf ever acted so irrationally – well, irrationally to anyone who didn’t understand his motifs, which was pretty much everyone. Fíli had seen, in that moment, his own emotions now reflected in Kíli’s eyes and it distressed him to know that Kíli was probably upset, or something worse. In all honesty, Fíli didn’t have enough mental capacity at the current moment to actually think about what Kíli was feeling – heck, he could barely control his thoughts, and it was annoying him that he could have so little control over himself.

It must have been over two hours before Fíli had zoned in again because he found himself in a dense forest on a very narrow path. He quickly looked around him to find anything that would help him recognise where they were.

“Uncle, whereabouts are we?” Fíli asked after he realised that everything here looked exactly the same.

It took Thorin a good ten seconds of flashing Fíli a confused glance before he realised that Fíli wasn’t joking, which gave way to suspicion in his mind. “We are not ten miles from Ered Luin, we still have another sixty miles left to travel” Thorin replied.

Fíli thought this over and tried to mentally work out where they were – not that it really mattered anyway, but for some reason he felt he knew this place.

“Why do you ask?” Thorin asked a minute or so later.

“Uhh” Fíli slurred. “I zoned out?” he tried. Thorin only raised an eyebrow at this.

“So long as you are trying to get your act together, it does not bother me” came Thorin’s reply.

Fíli went back into a state of contemplation for another good ten minutes before he remembered why this place had seemed so familiar. This particular stretch of road was infamous for strange and evil creatures, hence it was named _Rukhsîn_ , for orcs were often seen throughout these parts. Now that Fíli was able to determine the cause of his stress, he was able to move on to some of his other emotions…

But an alarm went off in his head as he actually comprehended where they were. “Uncle, why have you brought us through _Rukhsîn_? Is this not an unnecessary danger?” Fíli asked in a hushed shout. Thorin threw a glance back at him to determine whether he was actually being serious before looking forward again.

“Why do you think this is an unnecessary danger?” Thorin tried.

This caught Fíli by surprise. “B-b-because, there may be orcs out here. Orcs that could easily kill us” was the reply Fíli went with.

Thorin actually laughed at this. “Dear nephew, have you so little faith in our ability to stay safe? We are fine so long as we do not let ourselves come to harm” Thorin reassured, but somehow his ‘soothing’ words met deaf ears. Fíli forgot all about everything else (seriously, Fíli is always so single-minded in his thinking!) and focused on his surroundings, scouting every place that may play home to waiting orcs.

As it was, it took him over half an hour before he even spotted anything, and luckily so, because before anyone knew what was going on, a large group of orcs came out of hiding from the bushes, obviously a planned ambush, and they surrounded the dwarves on all sides.

Thorin was only a little taken aback by this. He had a feeling they may come into contact with orcs on this path and that is why he had brought along a few archers, less Kíli, and one warrior to help instead of just himself, Fíli and a few advisors. Thorin was almost glad that this had happened, his pure hatred for these creatures being somewhat satisfied by the knowledge that he could rid the earth of a few more of them.

Fíli on the other hand was less than pleased. He had been on edge for quite a while now, and finding himself in the situation which was the primary cause for his stress didn’t exactly help that in any way. And that authoritative, almost smug grin which his uncle wore did not make him feel any better. In fact, it only fuelled his anger, but Fíli directed it towards an orc that was approaching him. Faster than the orc could register, Fíli leaped over Tharkû and before his feet had even hit the ground, he had drawn his twin blades, each a mirror of the other as Fíli charged straight towards the closest one he could reach, abruptly beheading it.

Fíli’s actions started the battle between the dwarf escort and the orc raiders. Head after head and limb after limb fell to the ground, every orc that faced a dwarf meeting its unruly end all the while each dwarf getting more angry yet satisfied. Fíli swung his right sword through the neck of one orc whilst impaling another with his left. He drew his sword out before using both to intricately weave a pattern straight through another orcs chest, the orc falling into seven separate pieces – just for good measure.

A sadistic grin began forming on Fíli’s face, and he felt an overwhelming urge then to transform and allow his pure, untamed anger to push him forward, but he refused. However, he still let that anger flow into him, and with each and every kill Fíli became more satisfied, more sadistic, more happy even. He tried not to think about what he was letting happen to himself or the ramifications of it afterwards as he was currently being approached by another four orcs, all with terribly forged, badly weighted swords.

As the orcs ran towards him, he merely strutted forwards at a predatory pace, easily knocking each one down as they approached him. Fíli was starting to enjoy himself and so he decided he would try and have fun with this, killing not only for his safety but for the enjoyment of it. He would not simply stab or behead each creature, but he would mutilate them, cutting off limbs and gutting them – all while still alive, because he was letting his wild side take control of his thoughts.

The battle only lasted five minutes, and in the end there were only a few cuts and bruises and one dwarf with a nasty arrow protruding from their leg. The medic had easily removed it and the wound had been cleaned and rid of any poison before it was bandaged up and they were off again, a nasty pile of orc left behind them.

 

It was only another three hours before they made camp for the night. They had made it a considerable distance given their earlier run-in with the orcs, but no one was complaining. Thorin still seemed pleased with himself for choosing to risk their lives for such a small token as clearing a few of the thousands of orcs that lived just in the western realms of Eä.

Fíli was surprised to find that after the ambush had ceased, his mind had automatically switched over to its logical half, and he had sought out that which he needed and not what he wanted as revenge. Fíli had cleaned himself, resaddled his horse and made sure that the other dwarf he was responsible for was alright and then they had made haste again, as if they had never stopped.

Fíli now had more thoughts than ever running around his mind and he definitely appreciated the safety of their camp which allowed him to think a little more clearly. He was on sentry second, and so Fíli used his waiting time to quickly gather his thoughts before he would use his duty to transform and guard the party as a lion.

Now all Fíli had time to do was sort through his thoughts. He would dwell on each later, but he needed to find some logical way to think through them before he could actually dissect each one. Fíli had always found it easy to find out why he was angry, since it is such a simple yet overpowering emotion. He quickly skimmed through all his anger from the past 48 hours – his first fight with Kíli, Kíli’s insistent nagging and then Thorin’s choice of putting them in danger – not to mention the actual danger itself. He already had a pretty good idea what was fuelling all of those.

Next was his sadism. Once again, Fíli had never really dealt with personality ‘leakage’ throughout either state of himself, and so he could easily tell what had caused that, but he still needed to work out why.

The confusion he felt was definitely going to be hard to work through or else he wouldn’t be feeling confusion. He was confused as to why Thorin would lead them the way they went – well, he at least suspected there were deeper reasons beyond wanting the satisfaction of killing a few orcs.

He had been feeling quite stressed and on edge, which was strange since the cause of that stress, primarily, was something as harmless (to them at least) as orcs, so that would definitely need to be thought through and he needed to try to de-stress, but that would come soon.

Lastly, he had to sort through this nagging guilt he felt in his gut. Despite all his efforts to quash any thoughts about it, he was still concerned about Kíli after his own little show of anger. Kíli was not normally one to retaliate, less one to cower. Fíli had seen both those in Kíli’s eyes as he blatantly abused Kíli verbally.

Once again, Fíli had a lot of confusion as to why he was feeling all of these somewhat foreign emotions – at least, foreign because of the extent of some of them. Below the anger and frustration and confusion and fatigue, all Fíli could feel was a guilt plaguing his entire stomach. Fíli supposed that was what was keeping him on edge – the uncertainty of the effect his actions had had on Kíli. Fíli deeply regrets it now, regretted it the minute he let those words leave his mouth, but the more and more he thinks over it, the worse it gets.

Sensing his time was coming up, Fíli tried to rid all of his thought of Kíli and focus instead on his frustration and stress and let them occupy his mind as he changes forms. He did not need any more input about Kíli to _Uznâluh_ , as he had decided to call the lion’s conscience.

“Fíli, you’re up” he heard Ibindikhâl call.

“Okay” Fíli replied before standing up and stretching. This was going to be a test not only to prove whether he could indirectly control Uznâluh, but also if he had enough morals, even as a lion, to protect those he was entrusted to.

Fíli walked quietly over to a secluded area where he channelled all of his thoughts into the little nagging that was constantly present in his mind which was Uznâluh. However, he wanted to try and do something different this time. Fíli wanted to see if he could transform specific parts of himself independently. It would certainly help as a defence mechanism, especially if no one else ever saw it. He focused really hard on the feeling of clenching and unclenching claws and tried to do so. He felt like he was just squeezing his hand when he started to feel it morph and he looked down to see his right hand now as a paw. He tried to extend his claws and he felt the normal stretch and retraction of the simple action that he was so used to. Now more confident, he tried to wriggle his tailbone around. Fíli found this a lot harder as it was usually an action he saved for when he was excited or happy, and so Fíli really had to focus on happy thoughts, but before long he felt a tail protruding from his hip and stick out of the top of his pants.

Fíli began to wave it around freely, excited by the fact that he could actually do this, and his excitement only served to further his tail’s growth. However, his attention was quickly stolen by a suspicious sound that came from a short distance away. Fíli thought about transforming fully, but then again if it was another dwarf, especially Ibindikhâl, then he would be lucky to escape alive – either him or them.

Before he could think any further, Fíli made out the shadow of a very ominous dwarf, and immediately knew it to be his uncle. Thorin walked towards Fíli and Fíli could do nothing but hide his right paw and grab his tail. Even now though he could feel his tail shrinking because of the mere thought of being caught as a lion.

“Fíli, a word” Thorin spoke, his voice once again a monotone. Fíli did not like the wording of Thorin’s order – Thorin spoke very carefully and whatever he says he _explicitly_ means, so Fíli began to twirl his tail nervously.

“Sure uncle” he tried to replicate Thorin’s monotone but it was so difficult because he had been focusing so entirely on his thoughts that the mere idea of now entirely banishing them was overwhelming.

“I am a little concerned about you. Dís seems to be mortified that you even came on this trip with me, and you and Kíli have not been on the best of terms lately. Not to mention your bizarre mood swing today when we came upon the orc pack. Tell me, what is going on?” Thorin tried, his suspicion clear in his voice, but intentionally so.

Fíli honestly didn’t know what to answer, because he honestly didn’t know the answer – well at least, the part of the answer that didn’t involve Uznâluh. “Uuuh” Fíli slurred. “I have not been on good terms with Kíli because it just happens – we argued over something trivial and we have not yet forgiven. It is only natural uncle. And I guess that I have been thinking so much lately that I am starting to get stuck in my head and that is making me nervous” Fíli tried.

Thorin batted Fíli an eyebrow, understanding the logic behind Fíli’s explanation but not really understanding why it would apply to Fíli. “Okay…” Thorin finally commented. “Just do not zone off when you cannot afford to and get yourself killed” he finished before turning around and heading straight back for the camp.

Fíli sighed, glad that Thorin didn’t question him further but so happy that he did not get caught. Now fed up with thoughts, he decided to just fully transform. Within a minute, he was a great lion, standing proudly in his spot. He decided to have a peek at the company and see what Uznâluh thought of them.

To Fíli’s surprise, he felt an overwhelming obligation to protect them. **Must be an instinct** Fíli thought. He turned around quietly (not that he really had to try – he was a predatory animal) and made his way up to a ledge where he could watch over the company. **This is going to be a long night** Fíli thought.

 _Oh just shut up and let me think_ Uznâluh responded.

 **Fiiiine** Fíli dragged out. He sat around looking out for any signs of danger. With an almighty yawn, he turned around and headed back down when he caught sight of something flickering in the distance. He thought he could make out a fire.

His heart starting racing when he saw the smoke and realised that whoever was controlling the fire was writing smoke messages. He looked carefully, trying to recognise what they said by the moon light.

‘ _A group … of dwarves. Bring me … their heads. Reward_ ’

Fíli’s heart started beating really fast. **Oh no…**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I don't think I originally intended for Fíli to have a split personality as a lion. I mean, it sounds too much like Gollum/Sméagol, but that was not what I stole it from - it just kinda happened. I have given lion!Fíli the italics and dwarf!Fíli the bold when they are arguing. Just to make it clear too, lion!Fíli has a much stronger will when Fíli is a lion than dwarf!Fíli, so for him to actually try and will himself out of being a lion is extremely exhaustive, hence him blacking out. Also, lion!Fíli very much sees things in black and white - if Kíli is wrong, no matter the circumstances, he is wrong, ergo when Kíli argues, and to the point of Fíli beginning to actually transform with rage, then lion!Fíli will not be happy! And (I know, so many words) when lion!Fíli has an opinion of someone or something, that won't change unless there is a substantial reason for it to. You wouldn't see animals in the wild forgiving each other, so lion!Fíli would not forgive Kíli (although, he would not seek out revenge. He would just attack if the opportunity rose [once again, same as with actual lions]). Okay, that's that rant over!
> 
> Also just to clarify (as it may be confusing):  
> I will always refer to Fíli (whether dwarf or lion) as Fíli in a physical sense. If it is dwarf!Fíli's thoughts, again I will call him Fíli but if it is lion!Fíli's thoughts then I will call him Uznâluh. Hope that is not too confusing, but I kind of needed a name for lion!Fíli's conscience.
> 
> Khuzdul translations (because there is no online translator and I'm feeling nice ^_^):
> 
> Amad: mother  
> Inùdoyuh: my son  
> Abhyûr mahbeknuizu: to learn to compose yourself  
> Tank Tharkû - Come Tharkû (Fíli's horse) [Tharkû means 'to carry']  
> Zataganagimâ kuthu Thorin zharamai Kharubel - We will leave at once when Thorin has combed Kharubel (Throin's horse) [Kharubel means 'horse of all horses']  
> Akhrûbimâ - we ride! (I'll just use it as so, since - you know - it doesn't quite mean that - explicitly it means either "we will ride" or "we are riding", and I'm not sure whether I can turn this word into an imperative or not - oh well)  
> Rukhsîn - the orc-place  
> Uznâluh - my evildoer (what Fíli decides to call his lion-half's conscience, because he really needed a term for it since he always refers to it [self-actively at least])  
> Ibindikhâl - he was the dwarf who was on sentry before Fíli, and his name literally means 'archer', and I'm sure you can probably guess why...


	4. To Converse or to Confuse?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin sure has a way with confusing and concerning his two nephews...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this ended up being a monster of a chapter as well. I really do not intend for them to be so enormous, and I really hope that, since I am now entering the movie-verse part of the story that it will go along a little quicker, and that it will be easier to write! I also hope that I will not exceed 5,000 words for a chapter.

_GAAAHH!_ Kíli mentally screamed. This was wrong. This was so, so wrong.

Kíli’s emotions were going insane – well, they weren’t, but it certainly felt like it. Kíli was only able to hide his confusion and fear from everyone for so long before he broke, and he was certainly glad that Fíli was not here to see it crumble.

Despite his efforts to banish it, he could not stop his mind relaying the events of the last few days, leading up to the weird mess he was in now. Not only had he thought to have seen Fíli’s face contort after an argument which in itself raised a few questions for Kíli, but he had also been greeted with a strangely understanding Dís, followed by the confusion of Fíli’s rejection of his proposal to find a lion (I mean come on! That is some major news), but what had Kíli most confused and befuddled was his conversation with Thorin.

It was not necessarily the news itself that confused him, it was the concern, urgency, secrecy almost with which Thorin had addressed him that gave rise to his current confusion. And he still had not managed to supress any of the guilt he felt for his actions – in fact if anything, his current state of mind was only fuelling it. Well, that and what Thorin had said to him…

 

_“Kíli, may I have a word with you?” Thorin asked as he entered the study, only to find Kíli had ripped apart half of the bookshelf and was currently sitting in the middle of a pile of books._

_“Wha…” Kíli mumbled, head peeking out from underneath a book with the most concentrated face and he looked like a little kid trying hard to do something that is beyond their capability. “Uhh, sure” he replied, closing the book and getting up from his little nest before following Thorin into the parlour._

_“Can I get you some tea, namad-inùdoy?” Thorin asked, turning towards the kitchen._

_“Yes thank you uncle” Kíli replied, knowing where this was probably going to go. Thorin returned a few minutes later, two mugs in hand and he handed one to Kíli before taking a seat next to him._

_Thorin took his time to carefully and slowly sip his tea, dragging out the start of the conversation – whether it be because he was nervous or he wanted to see if Kíli had patience he could not decide. “So” Thorin started._

_“So?” Kíli strung out, feeling more than a little nervous although he knew he had nothing to really be nervous about._

_Thorin sighed. “Look Kíli, I know I do not want to sound like I am treating you like a dwarfling, but fighting with your brother? During your examination? What were you thinking?” Thorin tried._

_‘ **What was I thinking?** ’ Kíli thought. “Uhh – I do not know?” Kíli stumbled out, stuck for an answer._

_Thorin sighed again. “I have heard from your mother who heard from Fíli and yourself what happened, but I would rather hear it firsthand.” Thorin closed his eyes briefly, inhaling deeply before he proceeded. “What did happen?” he asked, and it sounded so comical yet cliché, and Kíli almost couldn’t take him seriously. Almost…_

_“Uhh…” Kíli slurred…_

 

‘ ** _Okay, okay … let me skip ahead_** ’ Kíli thought, having no need in bringing up the whole infamous incident. All the attention the fight had brought up from Dís and Thorin was annoying him more than the actual fight itself. He tried to remember what happened next, purposefully ignoring what he had done.

 

_“Whether you are concerned about Fíli or not is not going to change my mind Kíli” Thorin was a little agitated, but he knew he had a lot more to say and so he tried to keep his cool._

_“But…”_

_“No! Let me explain” Thorin interrupted. Kíli sighed whilst palming his face, eventually dropping his hand and dragging out the syllable ‘fiiine’._

_“You have to know Kíli, I care for the lad very much. I know that you love him more than any other dwarf and that you would defend him in front of Mahal himself, but you have to be reasonable. You know the concerns I have for Fíli, but when it comes down to it, if he cannot control himself or if he becomes irrational, I will seriously have to question whether you will succeed him” Thorin stated seriously._

_“I understand you uncle, but I cannot have Fíli under my command – he has trained, studying, lived and breathed to be your heir, he is much more suited to it, he has more wisdom, courage, strength, splendour and frankly more will to rule Erebor” Kíli tried. “A-a-and it is not my destiny…” he whispered._

_“What was that?” Thorin asked, not quite hearing the end of Kíli’s response._

_“N-nothing” Kíli stuttered out._

_“Okay…?“ Thorin asked, before he sighed again (apparently a common trait amoung the line of Durin). “I just… Look, we have not won back Erebor, we have not gotten there – we have not even left Ered Luin yet! But, I just want you to keep in mind that I am concerned for him, for his ability to control himself.”_

_“But he is controlled 95% of the time” Kíli reasoned._

_“It is not about situations Kíli. I am more concerned about how he acts, his irrationality which has been showing more and more recently, and this kind of dissonance that I have been noticing. He seems different, almost like he is plagued with something and I cannot work out what it is or why, but…” Thorin stopped, feeling a little helpless and tried to calm himself._

_Kíli recognised the emotion that Thorin had just let flash across his face and in his voice and quickly moved over to him, leaning over the side of the chair and rubbing his shoulders, relaxing his tense muscles. “Do not trouble yourself uncle. I know that you have concerned yourself with many matters over the last sixty years, but please, let me handle this. I understand that Fíli is struggling with something, amad has said as much…” Thorin aimed a suspicious glance toward Kíli before he continued. “But I think – no, I know he will come through. I think he is just trying to discover himself and is just confused” Kíli finished._

_The atmosphere in the room was heavy and melancholic, neither wanting to continue but Thorin knew he had more he intended to talk to Kíli about._

 

Kíli rubbed his temples, his head thumping from all the thinking he was doing. He decided he needed a walk to clear his mind because this situation was once again getting too much for Kíli to handle. He would have to go over the rest of the conversation later, when he felt a little saner.

 

Fíli was pouting. Not only due to his embarrassment, but due to his _amazing_ luck. Once he had been able to regain his own form, he had run to Thorin and found him straight away, telling him what he had seen and what he thought the smoke message had said. Thorin had rounded up all the dwarves who had travelled with him and had ordered three separate scouting teams. All three groups had spent the better part of an hour trying to find what Fíli had seen, with a little dwindling fire being all they could locate.

Thorin had grumbled to Fíli about worrying too much and maybe being tired and blurry eyed before he ordered heavier sentries, with three dwarves on at a given time. Fíli felt a little better about this, although he was embarrassed. What he did not like was having to not only finish his sentry, but to also be on the next two. It would be well into the wee hours of the morning, and Fíli had already had a bad sleep the night prior.

He was currently near the end of the third sentry period – his last being the fourth. He was not liking the prospect of another two hours at this, but he guessed that he would prefer to do it all in one block instead of having split times.

Before long, Fíli saw Thorin approaching, alerting him of the beginning of the next sentry period. Fíli expected Thorin to simply pass him by and relieve whoever it was that he was taking over for, but before he knew what was happening, Thorin was sitting next to him on the rock he was looking out from.

“Yes uncle?” Fíli asked, already knowing that Thorin was most likely to scold him or something akin to that for his overanxious behaviour.

“Did you really see that message in the smoke?” Thorin asked, not really believing Fíli and now mentally scolding himself for being so irrational – although, he hadn’t been. He had been alerted of a pressing matter by none other than not only his heir but his nephew – a dwarf whom he puts a lot of trust in. Had it been Kíli, he could have easily pulled off a prank like that, but Kíli is also a terrible liar…

“Of course I did!” Fíli countered, sounding a little offended even though he knew he must have been wrong.

“But are you sure?” Thorin tried again.

“You know my eyesight is better than that of any other dwarf” Fíli argued.

“That is true Fíli, but it is the middle of the night – how can you be sure?” Thorin was running out of ideas.

“It is almost a full moon uncle. It is quite bright and smoke is easily illuminated by light” Fíli replied back smoothly and rather monotone.

Thorin sighed, knowing he had lost this battle with Fíli. He had wanted to believe him, he really had, but the evidence against Fíli had been a little too much to disregard. He still tried one more approach though. “You know, back when I taught you and Kíli to read smoke messages, I had told you something. Do you remember what that was?” Thorin asked of Fíli.

Fíli thought for a minute, eyes still staring off into the darkness where he was keeping watch with a look of concentration, even though he could barely think straight. “N…no” Fíli trailed off.

“I had told you about the ancient tradition of smoke messages, and how they had been used by most peoples since the first age as a sign of identification and communication to others of their own race.” Thorin said as Fíli was nodding absentmindedly, their conversation twenty years past coming back to light. “Well, I had told you that what I was teaching you was a custom of the line of Durin, and that it was as well-kept as is our language…” Thorin trailed off, hoping to see that spark of understanding on Fíli’s face. When he didn’t, he continued. “So, the smoke messages I taught you were specifically Dwarvish” Thorin stopped again, hoping that it would register with Fíli.

“I know this uncle” Fíli countered. Thorin was annoyed that he had run out of options, but he had no other option now but to believe Fíli. Except…

“How could you have read any other non-Dwarvish ones then? Unless they were dwarves…” Thorin trailed off, anger beginning to register in his voice.

“No, no uncle, they were not” Fíli quickly replied. He thought about lying to Thorin about how he knew what they said, but he couldn’t come up with one quickly enough, so he decided to just bite the bullet and tell him the truth, even though he knew it would somehow could back to bite himself and Kíli in the butt.

“About five years ago, Kíli and I were in the library when we asked Bofur if he could show us some of the restricted historic world documents. He seemed a little confused, but quickly let us into the archive. We read many fascinating things whilst we were there. We came across one article that talked about smoke messages, and Kíli and I had laughed a little at it when we first decided to read it, but…” Thorin’s head raised and turned towards Fíli who had still not turned his head. “But we became engrossed in it. For weeks we would visit there and learn about how Men and Elves would talk to each other through their messages, and how to identify each race and each house of each race” Fíli stopped for a good ten seconds before continuing. “One of the types of smoke messages we had learnt had been that of orcs, but it was also of goblins and other foul creatures. It was a signal that meant _Black Speech_. There were specifics to each creature that we never really learnt because our studies became a little too much, but we learnt some basic signals like names of races and warnings – you know, the amateur stuff” Thorin didn’t seem too phased by Fíli’s story, despite the many concerns it raised in his own mind.

“But, as far as I could tell, they had said something about dwarves, and a reward and a body part which I could not quite recognise but assumed as a head – you know, given the context” Fíli finished. He finally turned around to face Thorin, waiting for a reply. Thorin, meanwhile, was stroking his beard (majestically of course), trying to process everything Fíli had just said. Yes, he now believed that what Fíli had seen was true, it was just a case of what now.

“You did the right thing” Thorin decided to go with. Satisfied with that answer, Fíli turned back around to scan the area once again. “You told me instead of going and doing something stupid, and now we should be more protected. You have shown great wisdom, and I know some of the others may not be too happy about the prospect of less sleep, but I will talk to them about that” Thorin continued. Fíli was a little confused about where Thorin was going with this.

“Thanks… But why are you telling me this?” Fíli asked.

Thorin suspected that his comment may have come as a surprise to Fíli, and he really didn’t want to have this conversation now, but there was pretty much no way of avoiding it now. “Look Fíli, I mean this in the kindest of ways possible, but I have had some concerns about your maturity recently. Not to say that you are immature, but you have been acting a little immature – or at least less controlled, and once again it is not necessarily a situation of it happening as much as it has been your words and attitude” Fíli was giving Thorin the strangest look, as if he had just told him that Oliphaunts could fly.

Seeing Fíli’s confusion, Thorin sighed and dropped it, his mind obviously not being coherent enough to form understandable statements. “Never mind…” he trailed off before he stood up and began walking off. “ _Nâtizu arùngoruh ni nu hâr_ ” Thorin said. “Sleep well”, and then he was gone.

 

Kíli had somehow found himself at the markets in town. He guessed that he started walking and he had just subconsciously made it here – why here though, he did not know. In fact, there were a lot of his own actions that he didn’t understand as of recent, and that in itself was confusing. Kíli just decided that this time in his life was just confusing and he put a close to any mental thoughts about that for the time being. He had more pressing problems he had to deal with, and Fíli was due back in less than a week.

“Mornin’ Kíli” a voice shouted over the hubbub of the market square. Kíli quickly turned around, trying to identify the dwarf who the voice belonged to when he saw Bofur walking towards him.

“Oh, hello Bofur” Kíli responded in kind.

“How are you, young lad?” Bofur asked as he approached Kíli, giving him a light slap on the shoulder.

“Well” Kíli said, deciding on taking the approach that all his ‘misfortune’ was somehow humorous. “My mind has decided that it would like to go chase the weather and the wind has picked it up and taken it to Mahal knows where” Kíli laughed.

Bofur smirked at the rather comical description. “Is that so?” he raised an eyebrow. “Well, it would seem that you need to let it settle. Perhaps what I was about to tell you would not be wise to burden you with” Bofur continued, a knowing grin forming on his face.

Kíli’s smile dropped for a second. He did not know what Bofur’s smirk was for, and he did not really like it either. “Why would it be unwise? Unless it is bad news that you feel I would not be able to bear… But that would be a burden of the heart and not one of the mind” Kíli was thinking aloud, trying to work out what Bofur was on about, all the while Bofur was trying to keep a straight face at the turn of events Kíli’s train of thought had taken.

“Or perhaps you mean to tell me something I am not yet able to comprehend” Kíli weighed the chance of that being the case. “Or maybe you…”

“Kíli!” Bofur interjected, laughing. “I was just going to remind you to study for your lesson which is in five days.”

Kíli’s face went from squinting in confusion to wide and surprised in realisation back to Kíli’s generic smirk. “And why would you not want me to know of this, Bofur?” Kíli asked, now trying to play Bofur.

“Well, I thought that you may need time for your brain to settle – but maybe you should be fine to study” Bofur had the upper hand again and he tried to hide the victorious smile that was spreading across his face.

“No, no, no! I am in no position to study at the moment” Kíli tried to save himself, but it was too late.

“Ha! You have been beaten, which proves a point to me. You have not the wits to even outsmart a slowing dwarf like me, you are in no state to be cramming for exams. So, you are exempt from study” Kíli did a little victory dance on the spot before he was rudely interrupted. “But, that does not excuse you from your next lesson! I expect to see you there” Bofur gave him a mock glare before he turned to leave.

“ _Sakhi zu ni gamekh ghulûz_ ” Bofur replied.

“See you then” Kíli shouted back before he began heading home, now relieved to have at least one responsibility alleviated (albeit previously unknown to him). Kíli had a skip in his step, and he seemed to be at peace with the world. Trust Bofur to calm him – he has that kind of effect on other people, and Kíli had been no exception to it.

Kíli had decided on heading to _Ukmâthiânîn_ , just outside of the forest. The ancient river had been known for its mystic qualities, and it always calmed down the soul of any being who stayed in its presence. Kíli and Fíli had always come down here together when they were both mad at something, be that the world, their mother, or simply the fact that the last page of a book had been lost. It was also the first place they would usually go when they got into a fight. They would begrudgingly storm off together to the river, not making eye contact and not saying a word to each other, and after half an hour of lying on the large boulders or sitting in one of the overhanging braches of a tree later, they would be at peace with each other and would spend the rest of the afternoon talking about meaningless matters. Kíli likes to think that maybe spending some time here will put his mind at peace with all that is going on with his brother.

When Kíli was within hearing range of the gentle babbling of the brook, he felt a shiver run down his spine and he closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply. He could already feel his mind slowing down and his muscles had even started to relax. He opened his eyes when he exhaled and headed for the little rock pools off to the side of the river. Occasionally, when the river flows prosperously, these pools become renewed with fresh water and an assortment of little animals. Kíli finds neither here, but he stills sits on the little grass mound behind it, staring into the water, letting the breeze blow through his wild, un-braided hair and the gentle swoosh of the water echo in his ears.

Kíli hummed contentedly before he decided on going over Thorin’s conversation once again.

 

_“Is there anything else you would like to discuss with me, uncle?” Kíli asked, hoping Thorin would decline. However, Thorin continued._

_“There is, Kíli” Thorin began, sitting upright and Kíli moving from behind Thorin to sit himself down on the floor in front of his chair. Once Kíli was comfortable, he nodded his head, motioning for Thorin to continue._

_“Now, you know my concern for Fíli’s behaviour – he can be reckless, especially when it comes to that which is close to him” Kíli nodded. “Which brings me to another concern – I would like you to take care of yourself on this journey” Thorin started._

_Not for the first time in this conversation, Kíli gave Thorin a strange look to say ‘really?’. It took Kíli a second to try and determine Thorin’s intention, and when he got nothing back for his momentary effort, he decided that Thorin would tell him and he just had to try and push him towards that. “Why do you say that? Do you not think that I will not?”_

_“No, that is not the reason for my concern” – ‘ **finally** ’ Kíli thought. “My concern is for Fíli. He loves you dearly, Kíli – of this you know; but what I fear is that should something happen to you, he may act irrationally and turn a small problem into one that is much bigger” Thorin sighed and Kíli was happy with finally having his answer, even though the answer itself was not one to be bringing about joy. “I need you to be sure that you will give Fíli no reason to lose his common sense, whether it be justifiably or otherwise” Thorin questioned._

_“Of course uncle, but should your concern not be with him but with me?” Kíli dared ask._

_“What do you mean?” Thorin replied, confused._

_“Well, Fíli can be a little … ‘illogical’ when he becomes protective, but should you not worry about how I will react if something were to happen to Fíli? You do realise that I am more overprotective than he is?” Kíli wasn’t really that offended, but he tried to lace his question with as much of that emotion as he could fake._

_Thorin seemed to consider this for a moment, unsure if Kíli was baiting him or not. Finally, he answered; “Alright then, I ask of you not to put yourself or anyone else in harm’s way should something happen to Fíli” Thorin finished, hoping that would satisfy Kíli._

_“Very well” Kíli replied._

Kíli was starting to feel stressed again. He had, on a few occasions, thought about what would happen should Fíli be injured or die. It had freaked the hell out of him, and once he had ended up sobbing on the spot, Fíli very quickly finding him and bringing him right here. Kíli decided to wait a little longer before going over the last part of their conversation before Fíli had awoken, choosing to let the song of the creek wash his mind clear of the haze that had begun settling in again.

 

 

**_Fíli is falling. He is surrounded by darkness and a sick light. The very air around him seems to swirl and swallow him up. Fíli tries to scream, but nothing comes out. He cannot feel, cannot hear and is barely able to see. He starts to hyperventilate, the very air thick as molasses and he tries to gulp it in, but it only serves to constrict his throat more. His eyes are watering, the tears burn his cheeks like acid and his hair knots in the furious whirlwind that he is caught in._ **

**_He tries to focus on something, anything to ground him to some form of existence, to somehow explain the nightmare he is stuck in. He feels his body contract and expand, the pain overbearing and screaming at him. His arms, legs, back, face – everywhere feels like clay. He feels as if he is expanding, and his skin becomes scratchy and it is like being stung by a thousand fire ants._ **

**_He tries to scream in pain, in fear, to make a sound, something – but it is lost in the void that surrounds him. The pain is blinding him with flashes of bright light and then troughs of pitch black. His head is swimming, and Fíli can no longer tell up from down, forward from behind or left from right. He feels disjointed, mutilated, stretched beyond his skin. He cannot see himself, but if he could, he would not be surprised to find himself inside-out._ **

**_Before long, the pain begins to subside and his body throbs from the exertion of whatever it is that is happening to him. He cannot form a coherent thought, the only thing running around his mind being ‘HELP!’, but even as he screams it, he feels his throat shred and it is at that point he loses his vision entirely._ **

**_Throughout all the pain however, he can feel a force, something driving the mayhem that he is caught in. He can sense the presence of a being, something that is sick and twisted and is almost enjoying this. Fíli is disgusted by this and begins throwing up uncontrollably, vomit and blood and mucus cascading from his slackened jaw. He feels the pull of something larger, though. Something steadfast and solid. Tears of relief begin to pour from his eyes now, and the sweet essence feels like a healing balm to his burning skin._ **

**_The strong pull which Fíli can only think of as the ground begins to grow stronger as he gets closer to it. He hears a woman screaming, but who she is and what she is saying he cannot tell. Even though the feeling of being ripped apart has stopped, he still aches with the pain of exactly that – being ripped apart. He tries to look at himself but he is still blinded to everything that is around him._ **

**_His blood goes ice-cold when he can make out one particular scream to be his name. ‘FÍLI!!!’ he hears, and with it comes a wave of memories that feel like a punch in the gut. He remembers his mother, he remembers where he is, he remembers who is doing this, and before he can think any further of anything, he feels himself touch the ground. All of a sudden, the whole sky seems to erupt into reds and blacks, the tendrils of light dancing away before reality settles in, and when it does, he falls to the ground…_ **

****

Fíli woke all of a sudden, sitting upright and panting. His vision was fuzzy, and he could barely make anything out in the darkness. He felt for the ground beneath him, running his hands over himself and looking around at anyone who may be watching. When he was sure that it was a dream, he tried to steady his breathing, but he started to hyperventilate, his body shaking and in spasm – his heart felt like it was trying to rip itself out of his rib cage.

Fíli needed air, and quickly. He tried to stand up, but he did so too quickly, and he ended up falling on the ground again, and rather loudly at that. He quickly looked up and around, hoping to have not roused anyone. When he saw that no one had stirred, he tried to stand up again, but slowly. His knees were wobbly and he struggled to walk far, but he very quickly recovered his wits and balance.

He was not sure where his feet where taking him until Thorin appeared in his vision. Fíli was a little confused, but thought that if anyone, he would be the first to seek out for solace.

“Fíli? What are you doing up so early?” Thorin asked, concern and confusion in his voice.

During his walk over there, Fíli’s mind had started to throb, and now he had a full-blown headache. “I had a nightmare that was rather traumatising, and I wish not to sleep any longer this night” Fíli replied, coming up to Thorin and sitting next to him.

Thorin began to wonder what it was Fíli had dreamed about that could cause him insomnia, and was hoping desperately that it wasn’t about Kíli and the journey. He really did not want to have to deal with that right now. “What was it about, may I ask?” Thorin tried.

“I wish not to repeat it, not now uncle” Fíli yawned, and only now Thorin noticed the stress lines on his brow and the big bags under his eyes.

“Fíli, you look awful! Please rest some more” Thorin tried.

“No thank you uncle. I do not want to sleep anymore – not this night, anyway” Fíli replied, a hint of fear in his voice.

“What else would you do, Fíli? It is still two hours from dawn, and I do not want you to disturb any of the other dwarves” Thorin asked.

“I would ask to take the last sentry” Fíli offered.

Thorin gave him a confused look before sighing. “Alright, but you need to rest tomorrow night. If you are to take another sentry now, you are relieved from duty tomorrow night” Thorin stated seriously, leaving no room for disagreement, which was fine because Fíli had not the mental capacity to do so.

“Sure thing, uncle” Fíli yawned before Thorin left him to take a quick nap before they would leave for the morning. And that is how Fíli found himself for the next two hours – yawning from fatigue but happy to have escaped the frightening reality of his subconscious for at least another night.

 

“Ah Kíli, you are home” Dís chirped when Kíli walked through the front door of their home. “Where have you been today, my boy? It is dark outside – surely you have not done nothing all day” she asked, a little too cheery for Kíli’s liking.

“I felt claustrophobic in here whilst I was thinking, so I went into town, met up with Bofur quickly and then headed to Ukmâthiânîn to think” Kíli replied.

“And why did you head down there? Is something stressing you out?” Dís tried to imitate concern, even though she already knew about Kíli’s and Thorin’s conversation. Thorin had told her about it, knowing that Kíli would have very mixed emotions afterwards.

“I am so confused, amad. I do not know what to think anymore – my heart feels like it is at war with itself” Kíli rushed out, almost choking up.

“Why not tell me about it then?” Dís suggested.

Kíli seemed to contemplate this for a second before he finally nodded. “Okay” he whispered.

Dís walked Kíli over to the dining table and started brewing some tea. “So what is troubling you?” she started whilst preparing the kettle.

“Uh – Uncle Thorin had a conversation with me a couple of days past and he had said a few things to me that have really gotten me questioning what I prioritise” Kíli started. Dís nodded as she sat down at the table with Kíli, handing him a mug. He took a deep mouthful before he continued. “I suppose it would be easier for me to just relay the conversation” Kíli thought out loud.

“If that helps” Dís encouraged.

“Okay” Kíli exhaled deeply. “Thorin had already talked to me about Fíli’s behaviour, and his concern for him on the journey, which I was fine with, but then he started to talk about some other … sensitive issues that really have me just out of my depth” Kíli started.

“And what were they?” Dís asked, almost as if this was a counselling session. In fact, that thought quickly popped through Kíli’s mind, and he chuckled slightly, which threw off Dís. He quickly straightened his face before he started to relay the last part of their conversation.

 

_Kíli had been sitting on the ground for a good minute after he stopped talking before Thorin decided on continuing._

_“Kíli, as you have probably already thought about, there is no guarantee that any of us will actually survive the journey – and even if we do, we then have a dragon to face. Now I know that you will try to protect Fíli, but should he die, then you will be next in line to the throne” Thorin started._

_Kíli had obviously thought about this, but not in great depth. He started to try and comprehend himself ruling a future Erebor, and he started to freak out at the enormity of it. Thorin could see how that was currently affecting him, and so he decided to move on._

_“Now, my main concern is pretty much been stated throughout this conversation, but all as one” Thorin stumbled over the wording._

_Kíli tilted his head in confusion, the look synonymous to that of a little puppy. “There is a tradition in the Line of Durin, one that you may have learned indirectly, but it happens when circumstances like yours and Fíli’s arise.” Thorin trailed off and Kíli felt a shudder run down his spine._

_“W-what is it?” Kíli dared to ask, regretting having done so right away._

_“Ever since your great, great grandfather Borin had come of age, his father Nain II made sure that he would bear child to a son, so that the line of Durin may be conserved should anything happen to Dain I or any of his descendants. As you have learned by now, Borin had a son called Farin, who had a son called Fundin. Once again, Farin feared for the loss of the second root of the line of Durin, because his son had been plagued with sickness for most of his childhood. In fact, it is even said that it was a complete mystery as to how he had survived what his body had been put through. As a result, he had another son called Gróin whose sons you now know as Glóin and Óin, and Fundin had Balin and Dwalin. Not only that, but Dain had three sons, your great grandfather Thrór, and his brothers Frór and Grór. Grór and his descendants now dwell in the Iron Hills, and Frór died as an infant. That left my father, myself and now you two as the only two direct heirs of Erebor.”_

_“As the security of the first-blood line of Durin was in jeopardy, your mother gave birth to you Kíli, so that, should anything happen to Fíli, you would then take the throne and the line of Durin would still be predominantly firstborns. Now, my concern is that, should something happen to yourself or Fíli whilst on this journey, this branch may be completely eradicated.”_

_Kíli was really concerned about where Thorin was going with this – he was certainly hoping that he wasn’t inferring what he thought he was. If the past was any indication, this was not going to work out in favour for him._

_“So…” Thorin continued. “I have arranged for you and Fíli to meet some suitors whilst I am away…” Kíli spat out the tea he was in the middle of drinking when Thorin said that. To say that Thorin had a shocked looked on his face was an understatement – partly because Kíli would be so shocked by this, but partly because he was now covered in a cold spray of saliva-mixed tea._

_Kíli’s jaw was hanging completely open, so much so that he had to shut it with his hand if he ever wanted to close it properly. “I… Uh.. U-u-um…” Kíli kept stammering, eyes wide with horror and his throat very quickly drying up. Thorin tilted his head, surprised by Kíli’s reaction. He knew that at Kíli’s age, he couldn’t think of anything greater than having a lass to himself. Having said that, Kíli had not come of age yet and may not yet have such desires._

_When Kíli’s dumbfounded stare was starting to become ridiculous, Thorin tried to get his attention again, which just resulted in a sudden look of terror, followed by a stern façade that Thorin knew would be incredibly difficult, maybe impossible, to break. He was about to argue when…_

“Wait a minute” Dís interrupted. “Why were you so shocked by it?”

Kíli froze again, but this time he had a torn look on his face. “I-I-I do not know if I can share with you” Kíli started.

“Why is that, _inùdoy_?” Dís asked gently.

“I do not know of the consequences should I share it with anyone” Kíli trailed off.

Dís finally understood. Of course she understood. She had been there 76 years ago when she was still pregnant with Kíli. Now that she understood, she also knew why Kíli was holding back from telling her and what stories he must have learned about himself and what an act of carelessness on his behalf could do to him or to his _Tadûl_.

“Kíli, I know that you are an _Oshmâkhâl_ ” Dís trailed off.

“But you do not know who my Tadûl is!” Kíli yelled. Upon seeing his mother’s frightened expression, he calmed down and quietly apologised.

“You know Kíli, the only other person who is allowed to know about a dwarf’s Tadûl is the Oshmâkhâl’s mother” Dís reminded Kíli.

“I know…” he trailed off.

“So… Who are they? Or if that is too difficult for you to say, can you at least tell me what kind you are?” Dís tried.

Kíli seemed to consider this for a second. “I-I..” he stuttered. He inhaled deeply before finally continuing, his hands shaking with the enormity of this confession and how his mother may react.

“I-I am… I am a _Yanj-Oshmâkhâl_ ” Kíli whispered, almost afraid that someone may be eavesdropping.

“You are a double guardian?!” Dís yelped, startling Kíli for a moment. A Yanj-Oshmâkhâl was considered to be highly privileged but also highly thought of by the Valar, or else they would not be given the responsibility of two persons.

“U-uh, sort of, actually” Kíli barely mumbled. Dís was confused by this, and gave Kíli the same kind of questioning glance as Thorin had thrown him.

“So, you have two Tadûlh?” Dís tried, hoping her prodding would not push Kíli too far.

“Just the one” he said with a little more confidence, but the strain was still evident in his voice. Dís tilted her head forward, indicating for Kíli to go on.

“O-okay. I am a _Rayad_ guardian…” that was all Dís needed to know, but Kíli still spelt out the rest for her. “And a _Nadad_ guardian” Kíli exhaled, his breath coming out in shudders and a fear slowly crept through him at his admission.

Now Dís understood Kíli’s shock. Kíli had been chosen by Mahal to be Fíli’s guardian – the only problem Dís saw with this was that it was typically a spouse who was an Oshmâkhâl and not a kin. Not that it really mattered in the end, but Dís knew that it would be hard for Kíli should he have to watch Fíli fall for another and for himself to not be able to fulfil his duty as efficiently. And the fact that Thorin was trying to pair the both of them off…

“Look, I will talk to my brother abo…”

“No!” Kíli interjected. “Please do not” he begged.

Dís sighed before she nodded. “Alright… But I have to get him to call off this suiting process – I do not want you to feel any worse than you do. You bear the responsibility of three figures, you do not need a fourth or fifth” Dís finished, and Kíli had a genuine smile on his face for a moment before it was swallowed up by reality.

 

“Fíli, may I have a word with you?” Thorin called from near the river bed.

“Sure thing, uncle” he replied in kind before heading down to the shores of Lhûn. When he approached, he saw Thorin shake arms with Balin, before the younger dwarf* wandered off, leaving Fíli and Thorin alone.

“Fíli, I will leave for the Iron Hills tomorrow morning. After my departure, you will be leading the company back to Ered Luin” Fíli nodded his head absent-mindedly, already familiar with what was happening.

“I have talked to Kíli about some important things, and I think that it has caused him some great distress” Fíli’s face paled at that. “I have left a scroll in your room with what I told him. I need you to read it and take it into very careful consideration” Fíli was getting worried now. “I suspect that Kíli is just a little confused and needs a little bit of time to think it through, but I am probably making no sense right now so just wait until you return to see what I mean” Thorin stopped.

“Okay?” Fíli trailed off, a little confused about why Thorin needed to have this conversation with him.

“And” Thorin continued. “I need you to promise me that you will not put yourself or anyone else in danger if Kíli is to find himself in trouble during this journey” Thorin added seriously. Fíli nodded automatically, trying to churn through the possibility of Kíli becoming injured.

“Please, do not disappoint me, dear nephew. I would hate to see Kíli come to harm, but it would pain me to know that others may be harmed unnecessarily” he added.

“Okay” Fíli replied, his mind still not comprehending what it just heard and a small part of his brain was relaying automatic replies. “Anything else you need me to know?” Fíli tried.

“No, that should be all” Thorin sighed. “Keep safe on your return trip, and please keep an eye on Kíli for the next few months until our departure. I will keep in touch with Dwalin as to what needs to be done in preparation for the journey, so if you need to let me know of something, you can always send me a notice” Thorin gripped Fíli’s shoulder. “Farewell, be safe and I shall see you in six months’ time”

“Goodbye uncle” Fíli replied, embracing Thorin before he left to pack up the rest of the company for their departure.

 

Bofur and Kíli had found themselves at the library again. Kíli’s Khuzdul practice was not going too well, his edginess concerning Bofur. So, in a final attempt to help him relax, Bofur had brought him to the place he knew would help him find solace. They found themselves roaming the mythological and archaeological sections before Bofur managed to sneak them both into the reserved reading section. This place contained files for very few eyes to see, and Kíli was always excited to come here.

“So, what do you want to look at today?” Bofur suggested. Kíli thought for a second. Fíli and himself had always come down here when they were younger, somehow sneaking into the private archives and reading information they really should not have.

“Fíli and I used to always come in here are read about smoke messages.” After Bofur gave him a confused expression as to why they would read about such a dry topic, Kíli explained. “We were learning about it at the time, and we were very interested in it. We did not get the chance to discover anything else really because we were discovered rather quickly…” he laughed.

“Well, it is not something that is usually allowed, so I am surprised you were not punished more steeply for you actions” Bofur added.

Kíli put on a mock offended expression before he laughed and proceeded to look at the books.

“What about this one?” Bofur suggested. Kíli took the book from his hands. The runes on the cover were Ancient Dwarvish and Kíli had a hard time reading it. Sensing his confusion, Bofur explained. “It is the records of all the past guardians of our people…” Kíli paled. “…And it explains about how they come to be, their duties, you know – just trivial stuff” Bofur remarked lightly. Kíli realised that Bofur did not think much of it, and he tried to play cool.

“Okay, let me have a look.”

Kíli skimmed through the first few pages which only showed diagrams and family trees – you know, boring information. He kept reading through it for a while before he read over something that startled him for a second, but for what reason he did not know, and that scared him more, until a sudden feeling of horror began seeping throughout him.

“What is it lad? Looks like you have seen a ghost” Bofur chuckled out.

Kíli picked up the book again and reread the line over and over again, until he began to slightly whisper it, like he was in a mantra.

“Kíli, what is it?” Bofur asked, a little concerned. Kíli looked up at Bofur, a look of terror on his face before he repeated it again, but much more clearly this time.

“An Oshmâkhâl must bear the pain of their Tadûl”

 

‘Must bear the pain of their Tadûl’

‘Must bear the pain’

‘ _Pain_ ’

FÍLI!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Oh my gosh! Did you know that Balin is actually 17 years YOUNGER than Thorin?!?!?!
> 
> I'm just going to put it out that by the end of the next chapter, the story will predominantly follow the movie-verse, but I am aiming to fill in the gaps of the movie more than actually state the movie, so that it isn't too boring - speaking of which, are you guys finding it interesting? I really have no feedback apart from my girlfriend so I am assuming that you like although I honestly have no idea. Plus I have scrapped the pitiful delusion that I will be able to post fortnightly - it takes me over a week to even work out what I want to happen in each chapter, so I will try to post monthly and when I'm on holidays that will hopefully increase!
> 
> Once again, I have blindly added little things in the story that have ended up becoming massive, character-changing situations, like with Kíli in this chapter. I really don't intend for these things to happen, they just sort of materialise out of a small little trait needed to patch up a little error. Oh well...
> 
> Also, I'm still deciding on how I want to format thoughts. I'm think of mental thoughts being represented like 'this (with italics and bold)', flashback being in italics, and dreams/nightmares being bolded italics. That is how this chapter is structured anyway. And if you can't remember or don't want to remember the formatting I use, then you should be able to work it out as you go along anyway :P
> 
> Khuzdul mahaglâba (khama ghelêkhi ^_^):
> 
> Khuzdul mahaglâba - The Khuzdul I have translated  
> Khama ghelêkhi - Because I am nice  
> Namad-inùdoy - Sister-son, ie. Nephew (because apparently they have words for all relations except aunt/uncle, niece/nephew and grandparents -.-)  
> Mahal - Aulë, the Valar that created the dwarves  
> Amad - mother  
> Nâtizu arùngoruh ni nu hâr - You will finish your patrol in two hours (It actually says 'end' and not 'finish' - plus the only word I could find relating to sentry was 'patrol' so that is why I used it)  
> Sakhi zu ni gamekh ghulûz - I'll see you in five days  
> Ukmâthiânîn - the river where Kíli went - it literally translates to 'the river-place that is singing', but is used to mean 'the singing river-place' (as an addition, when constructing verb phrases, you have the verb, then the tense and then the thing that is doing it. To my understanding, if it is not a 3rd person view that you want, you change the typical 'zu' [you], 'izd' [she] etc to whatever it is. So, ukmâthiânîn is structured 'ukmâth' [to sing], 'i' [imperfect tense {which is a combination of present and future tense}] and 'ânîn' [the river-place]. If I am incorrect in this assumption, then please let me know, but I see no other way around it...)  
> Inùdoy - son  
> Tadûl (Tadûlh) - other (others)  
> (Yanj) (Rayad) (Nadad) Oshmâkhâl - (double) (heir) (brother) guardian [or guard, but in this case, it is the former]


	5. A Game of Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last 6 months leading up to the beginning of the quest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4 months. 4 months I have been away from this, studying, and after all that time I still have a writers block for how to start this chapter. Not to worry as I have (obviously) overcome that and I present you with Chapter 5 *_*!!!
> 
> Just to warn you, there is a bit of dialogue in the first half of this explaining some things that I have left quite vague, and the rest is a big rush through the next 6 months afterwards - I do struggle with writing things succinctly so that may be why my chapters are so darn long... I hope you don't mind too much
> 
> (And before you freak out at some of the Khuzdul I have used, almost all of it is indirectly translated within the following lines by either the narration or one of the characters - otherwise there is a nice, long list at the end ^_^)

The aching had subsided by now. Kíli was thankful for that at least. He wasn’t sure what had happened, but he knew that it was Fíli’s pain. What else explains suddenly feeling like falling into a prickle bush? Feeling pain at the most random and unexplainable times was not new to Kíli, but the knowledge of what was causing it was. In one sense, it made Kíli feel better knowing that he could tell when something was wrong, even if Fíli was nowhere near him. On the other hand, he did not particularly feel like having to suffer for everything that his brother would inflict upon himself.

Fíli was due back sometime today. Kíli suspected that they had already reached the outer edge of the Western forest, most likely because the sudden decrease in what Kíli had dubbed as ‘ _muradur-ubùrush_ ’, which he felt when Fíli was in pain, was most likely due to the company having stopped and given Fíli more medicine.

Bored out of his brain and with nothing to do until the afternoon, Kíli decided he would wander around town to see if he could find something to do. After spending the better part of an hour walking aimlessly through streets and shops and markets, he decided to give up and he dragged himself home. Kíli could usually find something fun to do whenever he wanted, but he seldom did not have Fíli to drag behind him, nor did anything ever seem so dull to him. Perhaps he was just over tired – sleep had eluded him the night prior, leaving him with nothing but the futile attempt of mass oxygen consumption that made his eyes water as if he was crying and the dark patches under his eyes which turned his normally bright expression into a zombie-like blankness; but Kíli suspected there was more to it than that. However, he really could not care less at the moment (well, he could actually – it did bother him, but for expression’s sake, that’s beside the point).

Before he knew any better, Kíli found himself in the front hallway of his house, the sound of his mother’s voice coming from further within the house.

“Kíli, is that you?” Dís yelled.

“Aye, _amad_ ” Kíli yelled back.

“You were not gone for so long a time to have done anything substantial. Is there any reason you are back? Or that you left in the first place?” Dís commented as she appeared from around a corner and approached her youngest child.

Kíli was taken aback by the question, even though he knew it was the only logical question to be asked. “Not particularly mother, I just seem out of sorts I guess” Kíli tried, scratching the back of his head.

“Is this something to do with your brother?” Dís asked, concern writ on her face.

“I believe so, amad” Kíli stated without really thinking, mentally scolding himself for letting his guard down so easily and impulsively.

Dís chuckled at the display of emotions that Kíli could never hide. “Calm down, _inùdoyuh_. You can trust me”. Kíli smiled nervously, letting go of the strand of hair he was playing with and looking directly into Dís’ eyes. “Did you want to talk?” Dís offered.

“Are you going to braid my hair if you do?” Kíli looked suspiciously at her, his warning glare only making Dís giggle a little more.

“Not if you do not want me to” Dís grinned.

Kíli’s shoulders and expression relaxed before he nodded once and headed for the living room. He could hear Dís following him, and he laid down on the floor, resting his chin on his hands. Dís studied Kíli for a moment, not long enough to unsettle him, but just to analyse him. He had a distant look, he seemed tired, confused, upset, almost like he was in pain.

“Why do you hurt, my child?” Dís asked, knowing pretty well the reason, but not knowing if Kíli knew.

“ _Muradur-ubùrushuh. Ubùrush Fíliul_. I do not know why, and I do not know if I want to know why. Not because I do not care! Just that, I do not know if I would be able to handle such news of Fíli, even if it were just a small injury” Kíli all but whispered, his tone and speed accelerating as he let his emotions control his thoughts and actions. Kíli could be impulsive – heck, that is why Fíli and Kíli would always be pulling pranks – but Kíli liked to think he had a good control over his emotions. Perhaps he had as little control as Fíli, perhaps not. Kíli just decided that Dís would not hold judgement against him and he let himself go wherever his mind led him.

Dís contemplated this for a moment. Kíli was a _yanj_ , it did make sense that he might be able to feel Fíli’s pain in extreme circumstances, but Fíli was probably still ten or fifteen miles away – exactly how strong was Kíli’s bond to Fíli? “Do you hurt now?” Dís tried.

“Not really. I mean, I can very slightly feel an ache in my left arm, but that may just be something I have done” Kíli stated flatly. Dís hummed in thought – it sounded like Kíli might be a little paranoid, but then what would explain his detached countenance?

Dís sighed. “What do you believe is going on? Is this not your pain, as you say?”

“I am not sure. I would like to say that I am overreacting, but that sounds like a lie to me. Whilst I have never felt pain quite as extreme as that, relatively that is, I have always had random bursts of pain, and they always accompanied Fíli being hurt. I just believed that I was so desperate to take away his pain that my mind … ‘created’ this pain so that I could go through the ordeal with Fíli, so that he would not suffer alone. But…”

“But this time was different?” Dís finished.

“Yes. I could feel pain, and it was not unbearable in any sense of the word, but I felt more than that this time. I could feel fear, and I thought it was my own. I still think that, actually, but there is this nagging thought telling me that Fíli was scared, whether for his own life or something else, and that perhaps, maybe, just possibly…” Kíli trailed off, not sure whether he wanted to tell Dís of his weird hypothesis.

Dís saw Kíli chewing his lip nervously, and she didn’t push him for an answer. Sensing where he was going by the shade of pink cropping up on his cheeks, she decided to let him know of something that might help with his bashfulness.

“Kíli. Whilst your feelings may be as strong for your _Tadûl_ , you are not destined to have a one. Apart from a romantic attachment, you could very well possess all the emotional bonds to Fíli that a dwarf feels for their one, and your Tadûl could very well have a one, but you need not be worried by the sometimes overwhelming feelings you may have for them”. Dís decided to leave out the part that Fíli might not have a one – she did not want to put false hope in Kíli or create any delusional thoughts that may cause him pain later on.

Kíli was taken aback by what Dís had said. He did not expect that from her – he was just trying to tell her that he felt as if he was able to feel Fíli’s emotions, but what she had said cemented something deep within his mind.

“That was not quite what I was going for, amad.” Dís was now the one who was a little bashful, a genuine smirk playing on her face. Kíli noticed this and grinned at her. “However, I do feel better for hearing that… Not that I have any romantic intentions” Kíli quickly corrected himself, a sudden terror morphing on his face at the thought that he may have unintentionally implied something that was not true.

“Kíli, Kíli. Calm down, my boy. I know what you meant” Dís cooed gently. Kíli’s face relaxed again, his eyes closing momentarily as he sighed. “So what were you trying to tell me then?”

Kíli fidgeted for a moment, his gaze straying before he looked her hard and cold in the eye. “I believe I may have, possibly, in the slightest, kind of…”

“Kíli” Dís pushed.

“I think I may have felt … Fíli’s emotions” Kíli whispered at the end, his gaze lowering.

Dís thought on this for a moment. To feel the pain of a Tadûl was one thing, to sense emotions was another thing entirely and it was almost unheard of. Almost…

The fact that Kíli could be one of the only dwarves to ever sense the emotions of another was a dangerous thought to plant in Kíli’s mind. Well, at least that is what Dís thought. She decided that she would need more thought before telling anything to Kíli, and she tried to quickly end the topic before changing it, being as subtle about it as possible.

“Kíli, my dear. I do not know what to think of that and whether it is true or just an imaginative thought. I think that you need to think on this more and maybe try to find out what happened when Fíli gets back. But please do be subtle. You do not want Fíli knowing of what you are – not that it would cause any catastrophe or destruction of the universe, but it will make your job a lot harder and more awkward” Dís replied. “But all this talk is a little melancholy. Perhaps we should talk about something else?”

Kíli thought on that for a moment. He did need a distraction and he welcomed his mother’s topic change openly. “Could we play a game of riddles, amad?” Kíli asked.

Dís chuckled at Kíli’s suggestion, sensing his desire to distract his mind but also happy to reminisce on the past when both of them, plus Fíli, would play riddles to pass the time when Kíli and Fíli had been little dwarrows.

“Did you want to go first?” Dís asked.

Kíli nodded, a good riddle popping into his head right away.

“When you possess me, you desire to share me, but when you do share me, you no longer possess me. What am I?” Kíli asked, a knowing smirk forming on his lips.

Dís thought on the riddle for a moment, the answer on the tip of her tongue but refusing to show itself. She thought back to the last time she had heard this riddle, almost 100 years ago, and suddenly it came back to her.

“You are a secret” Dís answered and Kíli smirked at this. “Correct. Now it is your turn” Kíli smiled.

 

That is how Kíli and Dís spent their afternoon – wracking their brains for every riddle that they could think of, creating new ones that were either clever or downright silly, spending hours testing each other and laughing and getting frustrated and forgetting completely about what they had discussed earlier. The sun was almost beginning to dip below the mountains when Fíli arrived back, beaten and bruised and looking awfully tired. He had one arm wrapped in a bandage (his left one as Kíli noticed) and there was dried blood in his hair and on his clothes. He seemed to be wincing each time he put pressure on his left leg, and Kíli visibly flinched when he saw him.

“ _Zatatanakakulhu?!_ ” Kíli sprang up quickly, rushing over to Fíli, a clear sound of worry in his voice and a sinking feeling in his gut.

“Kíli, shhhh. I will tell you what happened in a sec” Fíli cooed, trying to calm Kíli. His voice was croaky from a lack of water and use. Fíli had suspected that Kíli might have a little meltdown. Despite the fact that they were on odd terms, he knew Kíli was overprotective of him (not that he minded).

“Fíli my dear, whatever has happened?” Dís asked, her hands on her heart and a look of grief on her face.

“Can I have a drink first? Please?” Fíli asked, his voice giving out.

“Sure thing” Dís said, quickly running to the kitchen to fetch a glass. Kíli practically carried Fíli over to the lounge, trying to help him sit up in a comfortable position and so that there was no pressure on his injuries.

“Fíli, zatatanakakulhu?” Kíli whispered this time, his voice wavering. He sounded so small and scared and Fíli instantly felt protective, wishing away that fear and doubt, but with a start he realised that he had indirectly brought it about.

“I will tell you when amad comes back” Fíli tried to reassure Kíli, but it did not seem to work.

“You are in pain” Kíli stated, and it sounded so stupidly obvious that Fíli almost laughed at the observation.

“ _Aye, burushrukmi, ini ansisi_ ” Fíli tried, and that seemed to calm Kíli a little bit. “And hello too, _naddith_ ” Fíli remembered his manners. Kíli just raised his eyebrow, curious as to why that had any significance in the face of his current situation. Fíli chuckled a bit, before he spoke again. “I am just remembering my manners, dearest brother”.

“Only brother” Kíli smirked a little.

“Yes, well that means that I can love you more” Fíli smiled back.

“Here you go, Fíli” Dís interrupted, handing him the cup and Fíli drank it greedily, handing it back to Dís who promptly ran back to the kitchen to refill it. Kíli gave a frustrated sigh at the delay, Fíli chuckling at his nervous anticipation. Dís returned quickly, Fíli sipping at his drink this time before he began explaining about the trip to Lhûn and the unnecessary trip through Rukhsîn, the embarrassing false alarm with the smoke and finally the return trip. Fíli did not remember whose idea it was to go back through Rukhsîn, but the sudden attack from a lone warg should not have caught them off guard. The foul beast had attacked a dwarf next to Fíli before it grabbed his left arm and leg when he fought it back. He wounds were not too substantial, but it had hurt a lot and had been a little infected, but thanks to the herbs carried by their healers, Fíli had been able to make it back home.

Kíli had a firm grasp on Fíli’s right arm by the time he had finished and with a start he released his grip, Fíli’s skin paling where he had been gripped before its colour seeped back in.

“Fíli, dear, why not go to your room and rest? Kíli can help you, and I will get some herbs for your arm and leg” Dís suggested.

“I need no herbs now, amad, but thankyou for the offer” Fíli said before he attempted to stand up. Failing at the last second, Kíli quickly grabbed him around the waist and lifted his left arm around his shoulders, careful not to hurt it, and helped Fíli limp to his room. The two walked in silence, and with that silence came awkwardness. Kíli had remembered how Fíli had reacted towards him the last time he saw him. Kíli did not see himself as the nagging type, but perhaps he had just gone too far for Fíli. He tried his hardest not to nag Fíli now about his current state, hoping to not annoy his brother more.

“ _Shagamrukmi_ ” Fíli whispered. Kíli turned around in a start and stared at Fíli with a shocked look on his face. He had heard what Fíli said but it did not fully sink in for a minute or two, and he was just gaping at Fíli. Squirming under Kíli’s scrutiny, Fíli continued, hoping he could bring Kíli out of his trance. “I really am sorry. Can you forgive me?”

“ _Guluymi, nî naguluymâ_ ” Kíli said, and Fíli laughed happily.

“Yes, I will forgive myself for the sake of your forgiveness” Fíli smirked and embraced Kíli to seal his statement. The tense atmosphere from before was evaporating, and deciding on being impulsive, Kíli carefully but quickly hoisted Fíli over his shoulder and ran down to their room, Fíli confused but genuinely happy and he couldn’t stop the laughter that was spilling from his lips.

 

Kíli had done as Dís had asked. He helped Fíli into a semi-sitting, semi-lying-down position on the bed and made sure he was comfortable before having a look at his injuries. Fíli told Kíli what he had been told from the medic about the injuries and what medical attention was required. Kíli fetched what was needed and helped Fíli stay as comfortable and pain-free as possible.

This went on for a few days before Fíli had the strength to actually get about and do something. Kíli had always rushed to Fíli’s side when he tried too hard to get up, the tingling sensation of pain in Kíli’s left side being the only indication that Fíli was overdoing it.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into a month. By now, Fíli had fully recovered and was back into building his strength up again. This was not the first time Fíli had hurt himself like this, and every time it happened, Kíli would make him a new weapon. Not to replace the old ones, but as an extra mode of defence, with the hope that it would be useful. But, Kíli being Kíli and not really fitting into the stereotypical model of a dwarf, went ahead and named each weapon for Fíli before it had seen battle or performed any great deeds. Thorin had discouraged the idea, giving Kíli an angry glare and scowling him, but Fíli had stepped in and stood up for Kíli.

So, it was no surprise to see Kíli carrying a small dagger wrapped in a cloth when Fíli was polishing his weapons. Fíli noticed Kíli approaching him but decided to pretend as though he had not. After Kíli had been standing behind Fíli for a good minute, waiting for Fíli to notice him, he decided that he should probably turn around or risk having someone behind him, squirming all day.

“ _Shamâkh_ ” Fíli said, not turning his head. Kíli tilted his head in confusion, Fíli’s knowledge of his presence now out in the open.

“Hello yourself” Kíli grinned, placing a hand on Fíli’s shoulder. This drew his full attention to Kíli. “I have something for you” Kíli said, pulling the wrapped dagger out of his arrow sheath on his back. Fíli smiled as he was handed the dagger, undoing the lace and pulling back the corners. He let out a gasp as he saw it.

It was truly remarkable! He had never seen such a beautifully crafted dagger, not even from Kíli who specialised in finer details. He gipped the handle, the blue-inked leather gliding smoothly across his skin. It was cross-stitched around the handle, each and every strip of fabric aligned perfectly. The end of the handle curved out a little and the bottom was almost flat, the word _ablâkh_ intricately carved into the silver. When Fíli ran his hands up the flat of the blade, it was completely smooth, the ridges on either side perfectly symmetrical and the metal was so clean that not even his hands left marks. The blade was double-edged, a safety precaution as Kíli described, the sides arching towards the tip of the blade, sharp as any sword. Fíli’s eyes were drawn back down to the hilt. The leather had runes throughout it, and he took a close look at each one. _Aznâg, amnâs, ashbât, akrâg, adshân_ and _alnâs_ decorated half of the hilt, each rune having a specific meaning that was given with each weapon Kíli made him. Every weapon he made afterwards would then contain that rune as well as a new one. Fíli already recognised the runes for courage, loyalty, understanding, honour, service and love. He quickly realised that the rune for power which was written on the bottom of the handle was the one Kíli gave him this time. The other side had his own and Kíli’s names carved into the leather with _naddad_ written throughout them.

Fíli looked up at Kíli with an awed look. “Thank you, brother”. Kíli raised an eyebrow, clearly mocking Fíli for his choice of words. Chuckling, he clarified. “No really, _khamanrukmi me_. This means so much to me, every time you make me something; and don not mock me, you know I am useless with my words”.

Kíli actually had the audacity to laugh at this, patting Fíli on the shoulder as he nodded. “Well, why not get these weapons polished and then we can try them out” Kíli suggested.

“Yeah, about that. _Durub_ has sent word that all who are going on this quest must begin intense training, meaning…” Fíli left the statement open.

“We really have to train now?” Kíli asked.

“Apparently so. Dwalin said as much, which is why I am currently polishing my blades and war hammer. You had better go down to the court and practice your accuracy shots” Fíli smirk at Kíli’s disappointed pout.

“But I want to watch you train with your dagger – which I have not named yet” Kíli complained.

“Why have you not named it yet?” Fíli questioned.

“Because, I want you to name it”.

Fíli thought for a moment, trying to come up with a thoughtful name.

“I will call it Ian” Fíli smiled.

“Ian?” Kíli was very confused and a little offended at the simple name.

“Aye, Ian. It stands for _‘Id-ashmâr nadadul’_ ” Fíli chuckled.

Kíli laughed at the irony of its new name. “Okay then… So, about this training; do you think I could blow off mine to come and watch yours?”

“Well, you could, but that would most likely result in a punishment from Dwalin, one that I would not be allowed to accompany you through” – Kíli deflated at that; “but, I would enjoy the company, especially if this training is as harsh as durub is making it out to be”.

“Very well, it is settled. I shall attend your training and have my butt kicked for it”.

 

Kíli did get in trouble for attending Fíli’s training instead of his own, but he soon forgot his punishment as Dwalin ordered that he come in the ring with Fíli and they practice together. The two worked well as a team, but when pitched against each other, it took more than wit to outplay the other. In the end, Fíli won due to his sheer bulk (not that Kíli wasn’t well built – just that Fíli had five years on him). Every day after that was spent either in intense training, forging weapons and other tools for the journey or learning about the areas they expected to travel. It was these classes that the bothers loathed the most – countless hours spent with Bofur or other teachers, learning about the different places, peoples and the dangers of anything and everything that they could possibly encounter on the road.

This gruelling schedule continued on for the rest of the spring and early into summer. The temperature had risen to a very uncomfortable one and the training had been reconditioned to help them deal with climatic changes and severe weather. Above the brutality of some of their earlier weapons work stood this form of training, one that not only wrecked their muscles but their whole bodies, as it felt. The hunts in the forests began extended past the borders of Ered Luin and towards the north. They often encountered unsavoury creatures and the prey became increasingly scarce and aware.

By the time it had reached the New Year of Men, Fíli and Kíli were sick and tired of the constant beating and testing that their bodies and minds were undergoing. But all of that displeasure was erased at the prospect of a month of relaxed training and no classes. They both thought the reason was due to their excellent commitment and not because it was just the calm before a final storm of training.

That was how Fíli and Kíli had found themselves actually home for once, eating dinner around the table with Dís and enjoying a good humoured conversation that was light and wasn’t full of discussion about a foreboding journey.

The told every joke they could think of, the laughter absolutely intoxicating and freely pouring from their mouths. They merrily packed up the table in true Dwarvish style – Kíli threw the cutlery to Fíli who redirected it to Dís and she grabbed it all and washed it up. It was something they used to always do growing up as a fun way of practicing their hand-eye coordination, but it had somehow become a fun activity they did when times were merry.

After their little ‘game’, Fíli and Kíli both moved into the kitchen where Dís was currently washing the dishes and Kíli took over for Dís as Fíli dried and she put away. They spent a few minutes doing this in silence before Kíli attacked Fíli with a handful of bubbles from the sink. Stunned, Fíli stood completely stoic for some moments as Kíli burst into laughter and Dís giggled. Fíli shook his head, bringing himself back to the present and promptly grabbing some of the bubbles and throwing them in Kíli’s face. With the element of surprise gone, Kíli reacted a whole lot quicker – not quick enough to escape the attack, but he was back to laughing as soon as the attack was over. With those blows dealt, all hell was let loose in the kitchen. Bubbles and water were splashed between the two, the water very quickly soaking Dís who then decided she would get her revenge on them.

The floor and walls were soaked, the bubbles long gone in the fight and the three were eventually left soaking and laughing merrily all over again. Their stomachs were aching from the laughter – Kíli and Fíli’s mainly from their cruel training which had only slowed down very recently.

“You two should head down to the tavern. I hear that the ale is flowing free tonight and that quite the crowd will be there” Dís grinned, hoping that they would at least socialise after being forced into a non-stop routine that barely allowed them to be around anyone who wasn’t trying to kill them (well, that’s how Fíli and Kíli saw it).

“Did you want to head down, Kí?” Fíli asked, his head tilted comically.

“Sounds great. But I still want to have a smoke later” he eyed Fíli for his response.

“Of course” he replied. “Will you keep the hearth warm, amad?” Fíli asked.

“Yes dear. I shall be awake when you return – unless you do not return today. I have a lot of reading to catch up on” she smiled.

“Then it is settled” Fíli stated. “Off we go, Kíli. See you later, amad” Fíli called over his shoulder as he dragged Kíli to the front door with him and they headed out to the tavern.

 

Dís had been right when she said there would be a crowd. The place was packed, every table was occupied, but then Fíli spotted some of their friends at the bar and headed over there. They were greeted warmly, their friends already on their way to being intoxicated and the joy seemed to be emanating from every dwarf there. Even though it was the New Year of Men in the morning, it was still celebrated amoung some of the dwarves, and the biggest tavern in the Southern Blue Mountains was known for being one of the best in all of Ered Luin.

The two drank and ate and laughed with the other dwarves there, thoroughly amused at some of the things they dared to do (they were drunk after all). Kíli felt the familiar stirring of warmth in his stomach and on his cheeks, a sign that the ale was beginning to take effect. For his size and drinking experience, Kíli had quite a high tolerance of alcohol, and before long Fíli was on his way to being as drunk as the others there.

Kíli was usually the social butterfly, but he never liked talking to people who were drunk. He much preferred the company of sober characters, and so Kíli would sit not isolated, but by himself amoung his friends, and a smile would be plastered on his lips at the antics of some of the dwarves who were drunk. Fíli knew Kíli didn’t mind being alone when alcohol was involved in a group, but he still joined Kíli, staring at him for a few moments before speaking.

“What are you thinking about, naddith _?_ ”

Kíli turned his head, not as if he did not know of Fíli’s presences and was stunned, but rather to gauge Fíli’s reaction to one particularly randy thing a couple of the younger ones were doing, completely unaware that Fíli had said anything.

“Did you say something?” Kíli clarified, sensing Fíli was waiting for an answer but having no recollection of being asked anything.

“I said, what are you thinking about?” Fíli yelled a little louder, trying to get over the volume of the loud talking, laughing and cheering of a drinking match that had just begun a few tables away.

Kíli thought for a moment. He really was not thinking of anything in particular, and he was glad for that. The past six months the two of them had been on very good grounds, even if there were little arguments here and there. Their brutal training was currently at a standstill and he was enjoying not having to worry about anything. “I am just thinking about how great it is that I do not have to think” Kíli smirked.

“That does seem a little paradoxical” Fíli chuckled; “and oxymoronic. Are you enjoying tonight?”

“I am. I know I do not usually like to partake in such events, but it really does relieve the tension and this alcohol is doing wonders for relaxing my stressed body” Kíli sighed contentedly.

Fíli thought that there might be something else that Kíli had on his mind. He wracked his brain for anything and everything a dwarf of his age could possibly be interested in. In the end, the only possibilities that he could think of came down to the looming quest or his love life (or lack thereof). Fíli caught what he thought was a forlorn look directed to a group of males approaching some of the female dwarves who were all giggling in the corner, and then he decided he would try and do something about it. He could not have his brother alone if he was wishing to spend it with another.

Fíli mapped out a plan in his head to get Kíli to talk to a lass at the very least, and he waited for the opportune moment to execute his plan. Kíli, blissfully unaware of Fíli’s intentions but still suspicious of what exactly Fíli was pondering, decided that they needed to do something crazy and spontaneous. After all, what else is a teenage dwarf to do when he has a crazy brother, alcohol coursing through him and a pub full of dwarves happy to join in on whatever may happen?

“Fíli, we should do something” Kíli said all of a sudden. Fíli stared at him contemplatively for a moment before he decided that it was the right time.

“Sure thing little one” Fíli grinned back which earned him a glare. Fíli had gathered information about what he believe Kíli fancied in a lady. Granted, Kíli never really showed any attention to any ladies – in fact, never to anyone apart from family it seemed. He had guessed that Kíli might have had something for one of the older dwarves – Kulubmi. She was about Fíli’s height, a little shorter than Kíli and jet black hair, freely flowing like Kíli’s; and she had a little more of a beard than Kíli did. Fíli thought that perhaps that was the reason Kíli had never approached her, or anyone else.

“Kulubmi” Fíli shouted out, beckoning her over. She turned her head before grinning and coming over.

“Ah, the two Princes” she curtsied, glancing briefly at Kíli whose attention was still elsewhere. “At your service” she said to Fíli.

“At yours too, Kulubmi” Fíli slightly bowed his head. Kíli’s head had lowered but he was looking at the two from the corner of his eye. Fíli noticed this, hoping that that was a good sign, even though Kíli was going to murder him for it.

“What can I do for the two of you?” she asked politely, her gaze lingering on Kíli.

“Well, my dear younger brother here is not always the crazy, outgoing dwarf that you would expect” Fíli started, putting his hand on Kíli’s shoulder. Kíli stared him down, trying to work out where Fíli was going and not liking the sound of it. “Whilst he is quite passionate about what he loves, he tends to be a little apprehensive when it comes to new things”. Kíli gave Fíli a really weird look and blushed slightly when Kulubmi smiled down at him. “So, whilst he may not have dropped any hints, I do believe that he has taken quite a fancy to you…” Kíli’s head shot up, his back tensed and he went bright red.

“Oooh, is that so?” Kulubmi asked, playing the part to embarrass Kíli even more.

“It is – and he was wanting to spend this evening here with you, but he was not able to pull together the courage to approach you. So, I decided that I could not let my brother pine on such a merry occasion and here we are” Fíli’s grin was impossibly wide and Kíli hated him for it.

“Of course we cannot. It is okay Kíli, I understand your nerves, and I do love a guy who gets all shy around me” she winked at him and his bright red face went pale. Both Fíli and Kulubmi laughed at him and Kíli did not know if he was going to pass out or run away.

“So Kíli, do not sit so stoically. Kulubmi will be great company” Fíli placed his hand on Kíli’s knee, pulling Kíli from one state of shock and placing him right into another. He gave Fíli a look that said ‘don’t you **dare** leave’, but Fíli just poked his tongue out at him, standing promptly. “I will be back later. Do not get too carried away, Kíli” he winked, and if Kíli could have killed Fíli then, he would do it.

 

Kulubmi sat down next to Kíli, the same grin on her face as Fíli wore and he wondered if this was some kind of sick joke the two had decided to pull on him. Kulubmi, behind himself and Fíli of course, was one of the more mischievous dwarves in their town, and she often gave them ideas, helped them in some way or even joined in on some prank or joke. She was a pretty lass, but Kíli had no interest in courting – that was not his purpose, and as such, he was not inclined to it.

“So, Fíli tells me that he often catches you staring at me” there is a look of terror in Kíli’s eyes; “and I think that that is adorable”. Kíli is beside himself with embarrassment and he feels confused as to how he should reply. He finds enough strength of mind to come up with some reply.

“Yes well, Fíli says a lot of things”, and Kíli could have hit himself with how awkward and un-Kíli-like he sounded, but her genuine laugh made him feel a little better.

“I do believe that he embellishes himself, and I thought he would do the same of you too once…” she trailed off. Kíli did not understand what she was implying or why she had a smirk somewhere between playful and sincere.

“Really?” he asked, his voice so weak, nervousness plainly clear in his tone.

“Oh yes, he tells me all about how you train and your craft. He always finding a way to point out one of your features, and he was quite right when he said you could be bashful, although at the time I would never have believed him”. Kíli simply nodded. “He also told me that he catches you staring at me, a stupid grin on your face when you see me” Kulubmi fibbed, just to see how he would react, and Kíli’s reaction definitely lived up to Fíli’s explanation.

“What?! That good for nothing warg chew toy” Kíli said. “I assure you that I am not a pervert, and I do not stare” he tried to clarify, a sheen of sweat visibly on his forehead.

Kulubmi laughed merrily. “Calm down, Kíli. He did not actually say that, but he told me to say that to you to see how you would react – I am definitely glad I did not bet on it, because I almost lost 10 silver coins”.

“He what?!” Kíli jumped up, marching over to Fíli and dragging him back towards where Kulubmi was still sitting.

“What on _Eä_ has gotten into you, Kíli?” Fíli asked, knowing full well what probably went down, and that drove Kíli faster. When he had finally dragged Fíli over to Kulubmi, he turned to him.

“You set this up?” Kíli yelped, not quite a yell but not gently either.

“Yes. Well, no. Actually, we sort of did” Fíli tried explaining.

“Fíli had told me that he was concerned that you were lonely and he thought that you had a thing for me. He wanted to set you up with me, but just in case you did not actually have eyes for me, he talked to me first and we decided on going all in and just passing it off as a joke if Fíli had misjudged” she laughed as she explained.

“Yes Kíli. Whilst it was sort of set up, it was just to get you talking to someone and not sitting by yourself all of the time”.

“But I am not alone. I always come down with you, Fíli”.

“Yes, but that is not the same” Fíli pointed out. “Anyways, now that we are all on the same page, you two can have a nice conversation and I will come back later, when I had _originally_ planned to before you dragged me back”.

 

Kíli rolled his eyes but Fíli walked off before he could protest. In the end, the two had talked all about what each of them did and some of their favourite pranks. He tried to explain to her that, whilst he enjoyed the night and her company, he really had no interest in courting anyone. ‘ _I understand, you are leaving for Erebor soon and may never see me or anyone here again_ ’she had said, but Kíli knew that that wasn’t the reason.

He had thanked her for a nice conversation before himself and Fíli left, and Kíli would not let Fíli go unpunished. He repeatedly sought restitution on Fíli for the next month before he finally got bored of it and was over the whole night.

In the meantime, their training had resumed. With Thorin due back within a handful of weeks, they needed to start preparing for their departure – getting weapons, clothes, bags, ponies and food ready. Fíli was nervous but excited in anticipation – they were about to embark on what would be the biggest journey they would ever take, and all of the dangers and places they would go through and what he had planned to do during it were so overwhelming that he often got lost in thought about it. The only thing he could not work out was how he was going to get away with having to transform every night.

Kíli, on the other hand, had become quite apprehensive about it. Whilst it was uncommon for a dwarf to be gifted with premonition, even less one who already had a gifting, Kíli still had vivid dreams from time to time which sometimes came to pass not long after. He had not appreciated the nightmares he had been getting about the outcome of their quest recently, but there was nothing he could do to banish them from his mind.

They both spent a lot of time at home with Dís, enjoying the remaining few weeks they had left in Ered Luin with her, and when Thorin had returned and he insisted on the two being more and more involved in all the preparations, they resisted, arguing that they wanted to spend as much time just enjoying everything about their home before they would leave it forever. And even the thought of them never seeing the place again was one that did not come into either of their minds until a few days before their departure when anticipation began eating them alive.

 

The dwarves in town who were going on the quest with them – Bofur, Dwalin, Óin, Glóin and Bombur – had either left for the Shire or were about to. Fíli and Kíli would leave the following day, and Thorin a few days after.

Whilst the two brothers were having a training session that was less training and more fooling around, Thorin was at home and Dís was pacing nervously, completely beside herself at the thought of every dwarf left in her family all leaving at once and the looming threat that she would never see them ever again. Of course she would have her cousin Dain, and some of the other dwarves were second or third cousins, but this was different. Her brother had died during the battle of Azanulbizar, her father and grandfather dead from the battle of Moria and her husband had been taken from her shortly after Kíli was born. She did not think she could handle any one of them going, let alone all of them.

She had given Kíli a runestone, promising that he would return, knowing that if Fíli did not survive, neither would Kíli and the promise meant she wanted Kíli to bring them both back. Kíli had promised her he would and she had broken down, Fíli seeing them a few minutes later and they embraced and stayed close for hours, trying to make light conversation in the hope that they would be able to forget for a moment about the momentous event that was looming at their backs.

Thorin saw Dís pacing, and he sighed quietly before approaching her.

“ _Namad_ , do not fret” he tried to voice calmly, his hand lifting her chin up so she looked him in the eye. “I _will_ protect them, especially Kíli – I will keep them alive, we will take Erebor, you will join us there and we shall reign as the majestic line to which we belong”.

“I know that you worry for Kíli, and that you think Fíli will put himself at risk for Kíli, but please do be kind to Fíli. He has a lot to deal with and he does need to spend a little time each night in solitude – he has his whole life, and I ask you to grant him this whilst you are gone” she said stone serious, and Thorin was confused and concerned with her lack of emotion.

“I cannot guarantee that we will have that privilege every night” Thorin replied.

“No Thorin, you _must_ let him – he will not make it very far before he will be useless to you” Dís warned, and if Thorin was confused before, he was lost now.

“What do you mean?” he asked; “Dís, if there is something that I should know, now would be the time to tell me” he pushed, sensing that there was something that she was hiding and knowing of her apprehension but still needing to be sure that every dwarf would be able to keep up – the enormity of what they were doing could easily be put in jeopardy by anything.

“Fíli will need to be on sentry every night – no buts. He will ask this of you too, and it is not out of generosity that he asks it – he needs to be by himself”.

“Well, I am sure Kíli would not mind joining him” Thorin tried, sensing he would not be able to win this argument and knowing that if he questioned it, he would not get a straight answer.

Dís was going to argue with that, but she stopped herself, knowing that if she did argue, she would not be able to give a reason as to why. In the end, she nodded, knowing Fíli would find a way to deal with whatever situation he found himself in.

“Now, the two will leave tomorrow. I want them to get plenty of rest so I am going to relieve them of training for the day. Please spend some time with them – it will be the last time in a couple of years. I will try and join you, but they will leave at first light.

Dís closed her eyes and sighed, nodding but trying not to cry at the thought. In the morning, her sons would leave to reclaim their homeland, and whilst that made her immensely proud, she knew something was bound to happen to someone. She could only pray that they would all be safe. It was now just a game of waiting…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note on translations - as you might know, during the time in which I wrote this chapter a complete lexicon of Khuzdul (which is over 2,000 pages btw) was released, which apparently covers enough for the language to be spoken properly. Now, I have read through a bit of it and it is truly massive and also very slow to load. As a result of this release, some of my translations come from the old resources which I had approximated some translations from and some come from the new one. I would like to go back through this fic and update all of my translations but that may take a while, so for the mean time, this chapter is a mixed up version of neo-Khuzdul and my chapters from now on will be from the new one.
> 
> Khuzdul translations (for those people who cannot tell the difference between 'zu' and 'menû'):
> 
> (And just in case you don't actually know): 'zu' means you (singular form) and 'menû' means you (pluralised form).  
> Muradur-ubùrush - ghost-pain (more explicitly, 'ghostly-pain')  
> Amad - mother (I'm just going to stop translating this word from now on)  
> Inùdoyuh - my son  
> Muradur-ubùrushuh - my ghost-pain  
> Ubùrush Fíliul - Fíli's pain (well actually, it means 'the pain of Fíli' which cane be taken as that)  
> Yanj - double  
> Tadûl - other  
> Dwarrows - okay, this is not really Khuzdul per se, but it was coined by Tolkien due to the confusion between the spelling 'dwarfs' and 'dwarves' for the plural of dwarf (since the former is an excepted way but the latter is actually grammatically correct)  
> Zatatanakakulhu - what happened? (Note: Once again, I've taken a blind shot at this. When constructing verbs, you have the verb, the tense and then the object performing it. For this, zatatanak means 'to happen', the 'a' means past tense and kulhu means 'what' - I don't know if I can do that, but that is my best guestimation given the resources I have)  
> ~~~***From here on is the updated Khuzdul***~~~  
> Burushrukmi, ini ansisi - I am in pain, but I will be safe (and 'ansisi' is a funny sounding word)  
> Naddith - little/younger brother  
> Rukhsîn - the orc-place  
> Shagamrukmi - I apologise (basically, 'sorry') - an interesting side note on the significance of this - this is in perfect text, which means that it is dependable. In other words, not only is Fíli apologising, but he is saying that he will never feel any different about that apology and that it is true (the alternative being ashgamrukmi - imperfect tense) - in other words, it is a promise as well as an apology (I swear I am sometimes baffled by a) the significance of some Khuzdul; and b) how some writers just toss the words around without any thought of how deep the statement may be)  
> Guluymi, nî naguluymâ - this statement loosely means 'I'll forgive you if you forgive yourself as well' - it explicitly says 'I will forget if we forget together' since there is no word for 'to forgive' (also, this is the dependable tense again)  
> Shamâkh - greetings (just a fancy way of saying 'hello')  
> Ablâkh - power  
> Aznâg - courage  
> Amnâs - loyalty  
> Ashbât - understanding  
> Akrâg - honour  
> Adshân - service  
> Alnâs - love  
> Naddad - brothers  
> Khamanrukmi me - thank you (wholeheartedly, to a male who is familiar and in a non-accusative way), so basically 'thank you so much'  
> Durub - uncle  
> Id-ashmâr nadadul - Fíli's dagger from Kíli - it means 'the protection of a brother' and is called 'Ian' for short (this is actually a coincidence)  
> Kulubmi - she is the dwarf from the tavern on the Eve of the New Year of Men, and her name means 'to charm'  
> Namad - sister


	6. Stuck In Your Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kíli starts acting out of character and Fíli doesn't now why. Maybe he's been stuck in his own head for too long...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I went away on a camping trip and was able to use the free time to finish this chapter. I am sorry if this chapter seems a little insignificant or a bit of a filler, because I took so long to write it that it kind of went on its own tangent. Granted, there are points in here which are important later on, so it's not an entire loss.
> 
> Since I'm not actually sure where in Ered Luin Fíli and Kíli would have lived, I'm making an estimation that it is about a 300km trip to Hobbiton (around 185 miles). I would imagine that with their ponies they would only travel at around 6km/hr (they are quite short too), and they would travel around 10hrs a day, so the trip should only take them 5 days, but I would imagine them having to stop and hunt, which could potentially take 2hrs+ (granted if they caught something large, they would only need to hunt once) as well as spend around 2hrs each day practicing and maybe have a day where they travel less than needed, so I'm rounding the trip up to 10 days

Fíli and Kíli had been travelling for three days now. They only had a week before they would reach Hobbiton and nothing had yet happened to dampen their moods. In fact, their spirits were quite high and the nervous energy of a few days past had left their bodies, their steps light and shoulders high and set. That still did not, however, alleviate any tedium that may have found its way into them. Whilst they didn’t consider themselves bored per se – they had a lot they could do on the trip – they still would have appreciated something normal to do. Fíli felt it quite strange to have spent so long away from hard training or smithing, and Kíli certainly was appreciating the break from study, even if it did feel strange.

The two had reached the shores of Lhûn and they busied themselves with renewing their water supplies and cleaning some of their clothes and boots. They set up camp near the water but hidden from most prying eyes. They would camp here for the night before they crossed the river in the morning and continued along their trip. With a few hours of daylight still left, Kíli decided that some of his two-handed sword skills needed a little work, and they both found a place where they could easily spar.

“Are there any particular moves you want to work on, _Naddith_?” Fíli asked. Kíli pondered this for a moment – he just wanted to have a spar with Fíli, nothing particular planned, but he knew his lower defence needed some work. In the end, he simply went with a rather vague answer.

“I do not have any preference. Perhaps we can spar and if anything needs to be worked on, we can stop and focus on that?” Kíli tried.

“ _Busus!_ ” Fíli replied.

They both collected their swords – Kíli’s was a long, two-handed sword, whereas Fíli preferred double swords. They both stretched for a few minutes before they got into their stance, eyeing off the other and not so much as a muscle moving between them. Fíli’s lip twitched up slightly in a smirk before he lunged forward, both swords drawn forward until he was mere inches from Kíli and he twisted his right sword sideways whilst his left swung underneath, poised. The clang of metal reverberated throughout the trees near where they were sparring, and a couple of birds nearby flew off. Just as he anticipated, Kíli turned his sword downwards to intercept Fíli’s own right sword, and in a quick manoeuvre, Fíli brought up his left sword and forcefully twirled it around Kíli’s, swinging it upwards and twisting Kíli’s wrist at the same time. Having guessed that Fíli might use that counter attack, Kíli spun his body to counteract the twisting of his wrist and used the force of the turn to push against Fíli and drive him backwards. Fíli swung his right sword up and hit Kíli’s sword away, dodging Kíli who moved a couple of feet before he was able to stop himself and turn around to face Fíli.

However, he took a second too long, because Fíli was right in front of him, both swords poised but not directed toward him, and Kíli used the extra length of his sword to stop the two, but before they could meet, Fíli had repositioned and he began a rapid-fire assault of alternating left, right, left, right swings, aiming for whichever area of his body Kíli left slightly vulnerable. It took all of Kíli’s concentration just to deflect the blows, let alone begin any counter attacks. Fíli was satisfied with Kíli’s speed and agility and ended the blows with another attempt to throw off Kíli’s sword when Kíli had managed to actually get the upper hand.

Quickly stepping back to dodge his sword, Fíli stood solidly in place, both swords gracefully swinging back into their first position before Fíli swung them around into another attack stance. He quickly stepped aside when Kíli lunged at him and used his left sword to push Kíli away, before he attacked from behind, but Kíli sensed this and drew his sword behind him, guessing accurately where Fíli would attack and holding him in position as he twisted around to face him. They both struggled to overcome the other, arms shaking from the force they were applying, but Fíli was just that bit stronger than Kíli, and he pushed Kíli backwards slightly before Kíli made the risky decision to try and throw Fíli’s sword off. He did not succeed, but he still kept a solid grip on his, albeit due to his use of two hands.

The two kept up their rhythm for a few minutes before Fíli called a stop to work on a particular move that Kíli seemed to miss entirely. Fíli called each attack to Kíli’s lower left defence as he aimed. He tried every possible move he could think, and then strung them all together in whatever order to see how Kíli would react. It took Kíli a few attempts at this before he could successfully block every move, but they quickly fell back into an easy spar, Fíli not going too hard and Kíli trying not to tire himself out.

As they anticipated, the sparring lasted for about an hour and a half before Kíli called quits, panting and hunched over, his arms resting on his bent knees. Fíli was out of breath as well, and he placed his swords on a soft patch of grass next to him before he arched back in a stretch to move his arms and wrists freely.

“ _Azrimi amhul azrali me_?” asked Fíli.

“A swim would be nice” Kíli replied. “ _’Ra kuf me mat hikhthuzul agllibi Khuzdul_?”

Fíli smirked before he replied. “Being a smart ass are we?”

“There is no such thing as an intelligent donkey, _nadaduh_. Are you sure you are not still trying to pick up the pieces of your broken pride?” Kíli’s grin went feral.

“What broken pride? Just because I drifted off in class and had a momentary lapse of memory, it does not mean that my pride should be at stake. Perhaps embarrassment would be a suitable emotion, but you must remember that only yourself and Bofur remember that, and therefore my reputation would hold true for me should you try and challenge it publicly” Fíli stood up taller, trying to appear regal and, well, prideful.

Kíli wasn’t having one bit of it.

“Is that so, your _Royal Highness_?” Kíli’s grin was so large it was almost verbally manifested.

“You had better believe it, _Second Heir to the Line of Durin_ ” Fíli smirked.

“Then perhaps you would have no qualms proving to me just how _amhâhul_ , how _umsamal_ your pride really is” Kíli mocked.

“ _Ishlik aktuthurkhu_ ” Fíli laughed.

Kíli tutted at this, his head shaking in amusement. “Cursing are we? That is not very princely, is it?”

“If that is what you believe” Fíli feigned disinterest, knowing it would irk Kíli. Right on cue, Kíli loudly cleared his throat, trying to get Fíli’s attention.

“Hey, _naddûna_ , do not test me”.

Fíli mock-glared at the jibe from Kíli, deciding that he wouldn’t try and challenge it. “Very well, what insult do you wish to bestow upon me?”

“I wish for no such thing – well, I do, but not for this moment. No, instead I would like for you to answer my question”.

“Refresh my memory, if you would be so kind”.

“You would not have any issue with proving to me just how intact you claim your pride to be, would you?” Kíli repeated with slight exasperation.

“Must you ask? Or better yet, must you _ekhez_?”

“Why of course! You have not yet proven to me that you are still worthy of the title _sannadad_ – _naddel_ perhaps, but you are still not perfect” Kíli taunted, but he still complimented Fíli, trying to lighten up the now slightly tense mood.

Fíli grinned genuinely. “Okay – what do you propose?” Fíli asked, guessing what Kíli was going to ask. What he had not guessed, however, is that Kíli would not actually ask him before challenging him, and when he saw Kíli racing off, he knew exactly what that challenge was. Kíli began a quick bolt straight to the river, trying to rip the clothes off him as he went. Fíli shook his head in amusement for a second at the sight before he ran after him, being more methodical in the way he removed his clothing.

Despite all his efforts, however, his boots still put up as much of a fight as Kíli’s, and he soon found both himself and Kíli hopping around like idiots trying to get them off. The thing with Dwarven travel boots is, because the roads are often rough and uneven, holes and bumps catching their feet, their boots had to be able to stay on comfortably in any sort of condition. This proved to make what would be a simple task for a human or an elf quite a difficult one for a dwarf.

Seconds before Fíli succeeded, Kíli’s boots came off, and it comes down to a quick sprint to the river. Kíli had a couple of metres on Fíli, but Fíli being older meant that he had had a longer time to build his strength. Despite this, he still tried channelling strength from his other skin to the muscles in his legs, and at first it served to strengthen him and he took off, but very quickly he found that the instinct to go down on all fours became too strong and he had to stop. Nevertheless, he made it to the river first, running through the shallow parts of the water in what he thought was a methodical way to decrease the amount of water he was splashing around…

It turned out he just looked like he was standing on hot coals and the sight of it had Kíli laughing.

Once he got about mid-chest deep (which wasn’t that deep), he could no longer run, or even walk for that matter. He stopped and dipped his head forward, hair getting soaked, before he whipped his head back up in an attempt to spray the water everywhere. It didn’t work too well, and he quickly caught sight of Kíli doing it perfectly, a little jealous of his ‘ability’.

The two messed around for a while, splashing and dunking each other mercilessly before they ended up just floating around in the water, content to just enjoy the cool temperature. They did, however, have to keep an eye on shore as the current often dragged them a little downstream, and at one point Fíli found himself having to get out and walk back around because he had drifted so far down.

 

By the time they left the Lhûn, it was early evening and the sun had started to fall below the tree line. Both dwarves silently collected their clothing and swords before heading back to their makeshift campsite near where the trees let up and the ground opened up into a small field. Knowing they weren’t going to dry in any quick amount of time, they both decided to just put their undergarments on and let the heat of the fire dry them off. The only problem was that they had no fire to dry them off.

It was at this point that Fíli truly appreciated their resting location as he was able to collect enough wood for a small fire and start it within the hour. They both still had provisions from home and they cooked their food over the fire as their skin dried off and pleasantly warmed up.

They ate in a comfortable silence, the only sound the crackling of the fire and the gentle breeze which swayed the trees next to them. The sun had set a little while ago and the sky began to drown in a dark blue as the stars awoke and brightened up the night sky. The moon had yet to rise, but there was enough light to see anything that may be dangerous around them. Both had one ear attuned to their surroundings, always listening for the crunch of mulch or the snap of a twig, but they heard nothing.

The air was a beautiful temperature and so Fíli had decided that he would sleep on his sleeping pouch tonight instead of in it. He knew that he was the second on sentry tonight, but he still stayed up a little longer with Kíli who was now sitting next to him, both staring at how the newly risen moon reflected on the surface of the river, the perfect circle distorted and dancing in the motion of the water. The two had managed to keep a light conversation going, but the overwhelming desire to just sit and enjoy the undisturbed surroundings brought a consensual end to that.

Fíli lay down on his back, hands tucked under his head as he stared up into the night sky. Kíli quickly joined, but he cushioned his head right in the middle of Fíli’s chest, right over his heart, as he lay perpendicular to him. The position was not uncommon, and they often found themselves out late at night, staring into the vast realm of eternity if they needed to relax or escape or if they were camping.

“What are you thinking about, Kí?” Fíli asked, breaking the silence. Kíli hummed in thought for a moment before he answered.

“I wonder sometimes, looking up at the sky, about our existence” Kíli contemplated.

“What do you mean, naddith?” Fíli wasn’t quite sure what Kíli was going on about.

“I just wonder what may beyond this land, beyond this realm and into eternity” Kíli spoke as if he was talking to himself as much as answering Fíli.

“I do not know, Kíli. But, I do know that I would rather be here in this moment than up there, up with _adad_ or _barâfuh_ or even Mahal himself.”

Kíli hummed in response, a true happiness blooming in his chest. “You flatter me” Kíli chuckled, but he was still sincere and he leant in further to Fíli – not hard enough to hurt him; but enough to constantly remind him of his presence. Fíli leant back again and closed his eyes before a very quiet and gentle purr bloomed inside his chest. The sound steadily grew louder as did the reverberations. Kíli unknowingly drifted off, his head turning so that he was facing Fíli now, but his eyes closed in a peaceful doze. Fíli tilted his head up slightly, cracking open one eye to look at Kíli and he smiled at the sight of Kíli sleeping before he lay back down, eyes closing as he dozed off.

 

The morning light began to awaken the sleeping world around Kíli, and he yawned as he woke, content to sleep but also acknowledging his rumbling stomach. He looked around before rubbing his eyes, willing his sight to focus. The delightful smell of brekky cooking caught his attention and he quickly turned his head around to see a Fíli cooking something over a newly lit fire, and after a few seconds he quickly caught sight of dark bags under his eyes.

Realisation dawned on Kíli and a guilty feeling settled in his gut. He had (once again) fallen asleep because of Fíli, and he had slept through the entire night, meaning that Fíli would have had to have kept sentry for that whole time. He got up as subtly as he could and got dressed just out of sight of Fíli, trying to think of an apology. He knew he would take all of tomorrow night’s sentry and maybe he could go hunting later today and try and catch something nice for him.

Kíli was still pondering this as he walked up to where Fíli was currently whistling a familiar tune, the melody bringing him back to reality. “Morning, little one” Fíli smiled.

“’m not lit’l” Kíli slurred in his still tired state, quickly clearing his throat. “I am taller than you” he replied, a grin cracking his face.

“How was your sleep?” Fíli replied. The guilt wiped the grin off Kíli’s face instantly, and Fíli laughed at his instant change of expression.

“Yeah, I am really sorry about that Fíli. Let me ma…”

“Kíli, do not worry. I am glad you rested well” Fíli interrupted. “I could not bring myself to wake you last night.”

“But still, you look exhausted.” Kíli tried to protest, but Fíli didn’t let him. “I do not care what you say, but I will take sentry for tonight – please, it is the least I can do” Kíli tried.

Fíli laughed at Kíli’s suggestion. “Whilst I appreciate the consideration, if you stay up all night too, then you will be as tired as I am now.” Actually, he would be more so. Fíli had channelled as much energy as he could from his other form whilst trying to keep the conflicting thoughts at bay. It was almost redundant as most of that energy was spent fighting with himself about how he felt about Kíli, but that was not a conversation to be having with himself now.

Kíli gave up before he sat himself down, content to spend a little longer waking up before either of them had to do anything. “Are you hungry?” Fíli asked as he pulled the food off of the fire and began to portion it.

“I am starved, brother. I am almost ashamed that you have to ask” Kíli chuckled.

“Good. Now eat up. I do not feel like travelling far today, so I thought that we could head to the river crossing and camp a few leagues past there” Fíli suggested, handing the plate of food to Kíli.

“Sounds like a plan” Kíli said, and it was the last thing he said before he had polished off his breakfast.

They both cleaned up before they packed their travel packs and doused the fire. The two ponies were saddled and then their weapons and backpacks were put on. When they were finally ready, they both headed slightly west to where they would find a little wharf that was sometimes used by travelling dwarves. The raft was usually unused but was still kept in good shape. A small group of dwarves lived in solitude near the area and served to guard and maintain not only the wharf here, but other ones that were upstream, as well as scout the area. They were all Ered Luinians, but they spent a lot of time out in these surrounding areas.

Fortunately, the raft was docked on this side of the river (it being on the other shore was not a possibility they had considered) and that saved them a three hour walk to the next crossing. They both quickly lead their ponies onto the raft before they untied the moored raft, paddling out into the stronger current.

The whole trip across the Lhûn only took about an hour as they let the river carry them a little downstream and closer to the general direction they were travelling. They docked on the south east bank and tied off the raft before they collected their belongings and transport and moved a little offshore before they carried some of the bags the horses currently had saddled onto them.

True to their word, they both only travelled about five kilometres before they made camp for the night. It was still early and Kíli still wanted to catch something for Fíli, but before he knew any better, Fíli had dozed off on the ground and that idea went out the window.

 

Fíli had not stirred until it was late afternoon. Kíli had set up the rest of the camp and managed to get a fire started. Fíli quickly got up and found Kíli a little way off and up a tree, and a frown came upon Fíli’s face. Kíli only ever climbed up a tree if he was deep in thought about something that was usually pretty major. Many thought it was just so that he had peace and would not be interrupted, but Fíli sensed that up there, above the earth, his soul could be free and his thoughts could run wild. Fíli almost laughed at how corny that sounded, and he probably would have if he wasn’t so busy trying to work out what had Kíli’s mind so occupied.

“Brother, are you finished?” Fíli called up.

Kíli woke suddenly from his little daydream and peered down to see Fíli’s face beaming up at him. He was not completely satisfied with the amount of time he had had up there, and so he called for Fíli to join him, not really expecting Fíli to actually follow through, but within a minute, Fíli was perched next to him.

They both stared out west back to the Lhûn, and beyond in the distance, Ered Luin. Neither spoke for a few minutes, just staring at the only home they ever knew – and the home that would most likely never see again. The thought hit Fíli hard in the stomach – even if everything about this quest succeeded and they all lived, they would never return to those mountains where they grew up. They would never wander the streets that they chased each other around as dwarflings. They would never be able to venture back into the forest for a hunt or to clear their head. They would never again visit their secret hideouts where they spent many afternoons hiding from an angry Thorin or Dís or simply escape from reality. Fíli inhaled deeply, his breath stuttering a bit as realisation upon realisation hit him.

Fíli’s behaviour did not go unnoticed by Kíli who turned to observe Fíli. Sensing what might be the problem, Kíli faced towards Ered Luin again before he proceeded. “What are you thinking about?”

“I do not wish to burden you with my thoughts,” Fíli sighed.

“Do not belittle me, brother. I know that you wish me not to wear the same burden as you, but I want to know what makes you so upset” Kíli stated, facing him. Fíli sighed before he leant a little further back.

“I am just reminiscing” Fíli tried, hoping it would satisfy Kíli.

“It has hit you, has it not?” Kíli guessed, but there was no sense of victory in his voice over his discovery. Fíli could only hum in response, not trusting his voice. Kíli inhaled deeply, squeezing Fíli’s thigh before patting his own and making a move to descend the tree. Fíli closed his eyes as he gulped and followed Kíli down. He sensed they would talk about it later, but he did not want to now, not with the fatigued state he was in.

 

The sun was well into the sky by the time Fíli found his short bow in his hand, Kíli’s form stalking between bushes in front of him. Kíli wanted to catch Fíli something really nice to make up for the fact that he fell asleep on him and left Fíli to guard all night, but Fíli wanted to practice his short bow and pestered Kíli into letting him come along so that Kíli could give him some pointers.

It had been five days since they had set out and the familiarity of Kíli’s bow in his hand and the slow stalk he had going was definitely a nice comfort, and Fíli’s presence behind him served to strengthen that. His head snapped to the left as he heard a twig snap. He shot a glance back at Fíli, alerting him of the animal that was not far off, only a little confused by Fíli’s nonchalant look. Kíli stopped and motioned for Fíli to head around the direction where the animal was, Kíli being sure to watch the way Fíli stalked. It seemed like Fíli had that part down really well – in fact, it was almost too natural of a state for Fíli. A very focused and predatory glint appeared in Fíli’s eyes when he spotted the doe wandering through the shrubbery.

This had been the first time Kíli had watched Fíli hunt as opposed to helping him, and he was caught unaware of the ferocity and magnitude of concentration and singular purpose, the infinite patience and unrelenting rage, all these juxtaposed emotions on his face. Kíli was so caught up in unknowingly staring at Fíli that he almost missed him drawing his arrow back and aiming. He quickly snapped himself out of his trance and focused on Fíli’s technique – his elbow, fingers, shoulders and stance. Fíli tended to doubt his archery skills, but he had excellent form, and as he exhaled (just as Kíli had drilled into his head) the shaft flew home right into the chest of the doe who quickly collapsed to the ground.

Kíli rushed over, blade drawn, as he slit its throat and Fíli followed suit, bending over and pulling out the arrow before he helped Kíli pick up the dead deer and carry it back to the camp they had set up. They both made haste cutting and cleaning the meat before Fíli began smoking most of the venison.

When Fíli had smoked the last of the venison and packed it into bags, Kíli had set up a spit and cooked the remaining for dinner. The sun was low on the horizon and a southerly breeze carried a chill from Forochel in the north, a strange occurrence for late spring. Kíli got nice and close to the fire for warmth whilst Fíli wandered around the camp a little to stretch his stiff limbs after having spent the last few hours bent over the dwindling fire. They both ate dinner in silence again, neither feeling the need to talk and neither feeling uncomfortable with the quietness. It wasn’t until after they were full that Kíli spoke.

“What are your thoughts on Dwarven courtships?” Fíli was caught off-guard by the question, and he gave a questioning glance to Kíli.

“Why do you ask, Kíli?”

“I do not know. I guess, I am just curious how others see it” Kíli tried, not actually able to verbalise his intention (albeit due partially to his lack of an intention).

Fíli was still not entirely convinced, but thought there no harm in sharing his mind on the matter. “I believe that courtship is an exciting but trying experience that your intended and you go through before bonding so that your thoughts and feelings can align and you learn to think as they do. I guess it is almost a calibration period, but more than that, it is spending time with the dwarf who compliments you. There is also the whole traditional side and the regulations and guidelines, but they are there to guide you in the best direction to becoming wholly one” Fíli tried. “Does that satisfy your question?”

Kíli thought for a moment. Fíli’s response sounded very technical and quite, well, dwarven. Kíli wasn’t convinced that Fíli was actually giving his honest opinion, but perhaps Fíli hadn’t really thought enough about it to have an honest opinion which hadn’t been drilled into him since he was announced heir.

“Is that what you feel about it?” Kíli asked.

“Well, yes, that is what you asked, was it not?” Fíli replied confusedly.

“No. I mean, I asked you thoughts, but – I do not know. It just does not feel like something you would say. It just sounds – so, Thorin?” Kíli tried.

Fíli was a little taken aback by this. Both by the fact that Kíli thought he wasn’t thinking about it, and that Kíli was thinking so much about it. “Like Thorin? What do you mean?”

“Well – it just kind of sounds like a speech he told you that you are recycling and not an opinion that you have mulled over and contemplated” Kíli replied, Fíli’s confusion almost tangible.

Fíli was at a loss for words. “Uhh…”

“Just, do not worry about it…” Kíli trailed off. Fíli could tell that Kíli wasn’t satisfied with that answer, and so he spent the next little while contemplating the question in his head, really thinking over it. He was so busy thinking about it he didn’t realise the awkward silence that had fallen over them, nor the way Kíli was fidgeting, not until Kíli spoke up.

“I will take first watch for you” he said as he stood up and wandered a little way away.

 _What on arda was that?!_ Kíli berated himself when he was out of sight of Fíli. The question was only a thought that was at the back of his head, but he just had to vocalise it, and when he was unhappy with Fíli’s answer, he also _had_ to vocalise that as well. It was quite out of the ordinary, and he knew Fíli had every right to be confused with him, but the only problem he had was that, if Fíli did decide to question why he asked, he wouldn’t be able to answer because he himself wouldn’t know the answer.

In the end, Kíli decided to just leave that issue alone and address it when it came up, hoping that it wouldn’t.

 

Kíli tried his best to act ‘normal’ the next day as they headed further east. He thought twice before he answered anything, tried to act upon the idiosyncrasies he had when he was bored or had nothing to do, even though there was too much swimming around in his head, and he tried to be laid back and humorous in his conversation, even though there was nothing funny to him about this situation.

If Fíli did pick up on his unusual behaviour, he made no attempt to make that known to Kíli. Instead, he happily participated in the jibes being thrown back and forth, he tried to alleviate Kíli’s ‘boredom’ – they even started throwing around lyrics and songs, filling the air with dwarven tune and words.

They travelled quite a distance that day before they made camp for the night. They would begin to head south east tomorrow as they passed the hills of Evendim and through Arthedain. The morning of the start of the second week of travel was uneventful, as most mornings had been. Kíli had finally trusted himself enough again to actually talk to Fíli properly without saying something weird or out of character, and Fíli was still contemplating the conversation he had had with Kíli.

Fíli decided that he had thought long and hard about Kíli’s question (longer than it probably deserved), and thought he would give an answer that would finally satisfy Kíli.

“I thought about what you asked” Fíli stated seemingly out of nowhere. Kíli turned around to look at Fíli, confusion writ on his face for a moment before he caught on.

“Oh, okay…?” Kíli said, not sure what to think.

“Well, you asked what I thought on courtship, and whilst I still hold the view I gave to you a couple of days past, I also think that it is not something that I necessarily find – what is the word? – uhhh, appealing, I guess? I mean, I am of age, and that does come with some interesting urges, as you would know, but I have just never pictured myself with another dwarf. It is not that I do not want to be with another dwarf, it is just – I do not know. Almost like I have not met my one and therefore have no interest in the subject” Fíli stumbled as Kíli had done two days past.

Kíli was not sure how he felt about that answer – he knew that he himself did not have a one, and so he guess he felt somewhat like what Fíli did at the moment, just hormonal urges that would calm down as he hit his century. Still, the idea that Fíli might have a one did not quite sit right with him – Fíli would surely have a one, with Kíli not being able to carry on the line, and he would one day wed another dwarf who would carry on the line, but that somehow made him more insecure about his ‘duty’, almost as if the one dwarf Fíli was supposed to trust (was he actually supposed to trust Kíli that much?) would not be the one he would. Or maybe he would view it differently within the marriage, even though…

Kíli gave up that thought pattern. There were way too many variables and psychology was not really where his strength lie.

“Kíli, you still there?” Fíli waved his hand in front of Kíli’s stoic face. He brought himself back to reality before he faced Fíli and apologised.

“Sorry Fíli, I was just thinking and then I guess I got lost? Thank you for the honest answer though”, and boy, was that response not awkward. Kíli thought it sounded fine in his head, but out loud it just sounded so official, and he wondered when he had started to act so out of character. He guessed Fíli thought as much given the way he was looking at him. Fíli quickly dropped his gaze, however, and they rode on, trying to make light conversation, but the awkwardness hung heavily over them for most of the day and partially into the next.

As their journey headed more south, Kíli felt a strange pull towards the north, and he could not place it. It was combination of fascination and utter terror, the juxtaposition not sitting right with him. He decided to not voice his concern to Fíli because he had been acting a little strange in the last few days, and perhaps this was just the result of having eaten something strange or the fact that the enormity of their journey was starting to dawn on him, not only what they would achieve if they succeeded, but what might also happen if they failed, if he failed.

After a few hours, the feeling was so strongly tugging at his heart and stomach that he decided he would tell Fíli. Something that felt this bad must be something serious.

“Fíli, do you feel strange around here?” Kíli asked, hoping it didn’t sound too odd.

“Yes, and I would like to be rid of it, so we should make haste” Fíli answered brashly. Kíli frowned at this – it was somewhat usual for Fíli to all of a sudden change moods, but Kíli could usually always place his finger on exactly what it was (whether he actually understood why it had set him off or not), but he could not work out what had gotten Fíli riled up.

“Do you know what it is?” Kíli asked in as gentle of a tone as he thought necessary to actually get Fíli to answer.

“No” came the nonchalant answer. Stubborn Kíli did not give up though.

“Well, do you know why I am feeling so strangely drawn to somewhere yet absolutely terrified of it?” Kíli tried, hoping Fíli would take the big-brother bait.

Fíli’s heart sunk when he heard that. Kíli was not yet born when the event occurred, but the enchantment must have still had some slight effect on him. “I do not know why you feel so torn, _id-kund_ ” hoping the nickname would make him feel a little more confident and he would stop questioning him.

“Well, what is up there?” Kíli tried. “If you answer nothing else, just at least answer that.”

Fíli sighed in defeat. “North of here is the abandoned city of Annùminas. You feel drawn to there for no reason known to me, so please do not ask” Fíli lied. Kíli was somewhat satisfied with the answer, at least having something to look into. Perhaps he would ask Balin or Bofur when he met them later on.

The unreasonable anger Fíli felt towards Kíli stayed, if not wavering, for the duration of their trip that day, even as the feelings in his gut subsided, and he had a feeling tonight was not going to be an easy night, and he would not get much sleep either. The only positive is that he was on first sentry, so hopefully he could deal with this quickly and then sleep.

He was wrong. The minute his skin became fur, his muscles doubled in size and he was on his fours, the feelings of hate (it wasn’t really hate, he thought, just unrestrained frustration) served to feed Uznâluh’s thoughts, and the already exhausted Fíli could only reign in his body, not his mind. As Fíli wandered around, trying to find something to release the coil of energy in his muscles, Uznâluh’s thoughts ran wild. ‘ _Why do you hide your true self? Show him who you are!_ ’, ‘ _You are better off without his existence – just end him_ ’ and ‘ _Claw that tree over there_ ’ were all running through his head, but he still managed to both hold his own and release enough steam to transform back before Kíli woke.

When he lay down, he closed his eyes, and sleep met him with welcome arms…

 

The next and last two days of their journey went relatively peacefully. They had entered the Shire late on the ninth day of travel, and all eyes seemed to be on them – not all of them curious too. Many of the Halflings seemed afraid of the two dwarves wandering through their land, but others seemed shocked, not necessarily at the fact that they were dwarves, but almost like they did not expect to run into more. At least, that is what Fíli hypothesised. He had assumed that they would not be the first to arrive, and he did not want to be the first to arrive, but a little part of his pride still wanted him to be there first, just to prove his worth (although how that would prove his worth was the question the logical side of his brain fought).

That night, they camped a little off the path that led to Hobbiton, in the woods to the west. The surroundings seemed a little too ethereal for woods, almost as if elves had once dwelt or travelled there. Fíli found it off-putting, whilst Kíli found it strange at worst. Around the campfire, they discussed all they had seen that day – the strange creatures of the Shire – hobbits – who seemed so concerned about comfort and food that they did not pay attention to anything else. How their physique was so slim, their height quite short, and their feet quite large, and very oddly hairy. They were dressed modestly enough, and of manners they had much, but something about them seemed too naïve. They walked as if they knew everything, and yet they seemed so fearless, almost as if they did not know of the world – or even cared about it.

They talked about the land – how it was so lush and green, rolling hills and large stretches of farmland. How the sky was an endless blue, the clouds seemed so fluffy, the air smelt fresh and clean, like a sweet aroma, albeit very strange and almost sickening.

Fíli had not smelt hot metal or damp rock in the past ten days, and whilst the slow adjusting of his nose helped, it still did not serve to fully prepare him for the drastic change in smell. As for the place itself, it was nice enough – at least the homes were of a nice size and underground. If not entirely like home, it would still feel warm and welcome. The very feeling of the place had a calming effect on not only him, but Uznâluh, who almost seemed to back right off in the woods.

Fíli tried to enjoy his last night with just Kíli, basking in the quiet stretches of conversation and the deep moments. He enjoyed the _freedom_ he had as a lion, knowing that from tomorrow, it would become that much harder to stay hidden. Kíli still seemed a little off during their conversation, almost as if he was contemplating bringing something up, and Fíli was hoping he still wasn’t dwelling on what he had been the last week. Fíli had decided there could only be four reasons for Kíli being so adamant on the topic – he had found his one just before he left, he was truly curious if Fíli had one, he was struggling a little hormonally, or he had been in his head too long over the duration of their trip. He was hoping it was one of the latter two – they would both pass within a few weeks. As for the former two, Fíli would either have to drag it out of Kíli or vice versa, and he was not ready to broach that subject with Kíli.

Night passed and the morning light rose over the top of the canopy. The sun seemed to feel warmer here, its rays comforting and welcoming. If Fíli did not know any better, he would think there was an enchantment over the lands here, for they seemed too perfect, too other-earthly to exist on arda. Both dwarves spent their time wandering through the Shire – taking in more scenery, which seemed to change every kilometre, and the life that inhabited the strange and ever changing land.

Fíli also tried spending the day teaching Kíli how to pronounce Baggins correctly, as it seemed of utmost importance for the two princes to make a good first impression (or else Thorin would be upset [well, more upset than normal…]). Fíli thought Kíli had finally remembered, and so he dropped the issue, praying to Mahal that Kíli would not screw it up.

They had reached Hobbiton by early evening, and now they had the joy of looking for the house marked by Gandalf. Bored with the constant searching, Kíli entertained the idea of finally being direct in his conversational intentions.

“Fíli, I know I have been acting a little strangely recently, and a lot of that had to do with not knowing what I was feeling” Kíli started, and Fíli gave him a strange look. “We usually share every thought we have, and I know you have never made any comment of a lover or shown any interest in the subject” Kíli trailed off nervously.

“Look! Up on that hill” Fíli interrupted, thankful that he had found the house before Kíli could ask.

“Hey!” Kíli shouted as Fíli made off for the house – not running, but a fast-paced walk which still managed to drip arrogance (typical Fíli…). Kíli quickly caught up with him, his longer legs finally having an advantage.

“I did not get to finish” Kíli said as he caught up, and Kíli thought he quickly saw a look of defeat come across Fíli’s face. However, it did not sway him.

“I always assumed that if you ever found someone, you would tell me about it. But it has been over a decade since your coming of age and you still have not chosen anyone. You have not even spoken of the topic” Kíli stated.

“Either have you” Fíli jibed back in defence. “Why have you not had any interest either?”

“Because…” Kíli trailed off, not knowing whether he should say. “Because – I do not have a one” Kíli said as they both approached the front gate.

“How would you know, Kíli? Just because you do not have feelings, it does not mean that you do not have a one” Fíli tried reasoning.

“That is not the point of me bringing it up. I just wanted to know if you had found your one yet, or if you had ever even thought about it” Kíli blurted out. Fíli gave Kíli a weird look, wondering why so much trouble had been brought up because of that one question.

“Why does it matter” Fíli asked, a little annoyed.

Kíli sighed in defeat. He couldn’t put into words why it mattered to him, and he did not have the will to try either, let alone fight with Fíli just before meeting the newest member of their party.

“Never mind…” Kíli muttered as he reached to ring the bell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I kinda lied when I said this finally caught up with the movie-verse. Granted, by the end of this chapter Dwalin and Balin were both at Bilbo's, but Kíli and Fíli had not actually come into play during the movie until a second after this chapter finished. So, sorry not sorry
> 
> Khuzdul Translations (because I really will take pity on anyone who has to navigate the labyrinth of new Khuzdul publications and the monster of a lexicon [and I hope you take pity on me - speaking of which, I was and am so overwhelmed with the lexicon that I created a reference document that tells me which page each letter of the alphabet starts on and some key words like 'to be...']):
> 
> Naddith - little/younger/fresh brother (once again, I don't really understand the 'fresh' - it makes it sound like he's a virgin...)  
> Busus - sure  
> Azrimi amhul azrali me - do you want to go for a swim (but in Yoda speak)  
> 'Ra kuf me mat hikhthuzul agllibi Khuzdul? - and why must you always speak in Dwarvish? (more explicitly, 'and why must you always continue to speak Dwarvish?')  
> Nadaduh - my brother/brother mine - whichever you fancy  
> Amhâhul, umsamal - amazing, marvellous (the latter is more like marvel-inspiring, but that basically means marvellous so...)  
> Ishlik aktuthurkhu - piss off ;)  
> Naddûna - brother-lady - basically calling him a girly brother  
> Ekhez - full stop [as in the literal symbol, but I'm assuming it is used for the same purpose in Khuzdul as it would in English (or Westron if you are wanting to stick with the theme)]  
> Sannadad, naddel - perfect brother, brother of all brothers (and yes, it USED to be nadadel, bit it is now naddel [check it out yourself if you don't believe me...])  
> Adad - father  
> Barâfuh - my ancestors  
> Id-kund - the wolf (I know it used to be kha'i, and in all honesty I actually prefer that name. Oh well...)


End file.
